The Spectator
16 December 2017 Aus
Provocateur-in-Chief
Australia
Season of goodwill
Australians deserve a long, hot, glorious summer of beaches and barbies and to indulge themselves in a joyous Christmas break…
Australian Columnists
Brown Christmas
This year has certainly seen some milestones. First, there was the fall of Robert Mugabe. Here, I must make a…
Australian notes
Watching the feral soap-dodgers Any other celebrity would be dozing in the VIP lounge, but I write from Sydney…
Christmas diary
My earliest memory of a Christmas holiday is of driving up to Darwin with Dad in his first car, a…
Australian Features
Skid marks in the desert
My time was up. Skid marks in the desert after three decades and six years. You don’t run out of…
Business/Robbery etc
Forcing the deferral of the government’s vital superannuation industry reforms by terrorising cross-bench Senators with electoral political threats only serves…
Losing our perspective
As Christmastime rolls around again we should take special care not to cause offence when sending group emails and Tweets…
A beacon for human rights?
The royal decree granting Saudi women the right to drive astonished the Western world and geared up approval for the…
Provocateur-in-Chief
The sin of provocation, Turkish President Erdogan helpfully explained in January 2015, was when mischief-makers fomented ‘hatred and enmity’ in…
They legislated a lie
An appeal to my fellow conservatives: please stop congratulating that chap who has his boot on your neck. Even Tony…
Christmas notes
Public shaming I know Christmas is a time for families and togetherness but frankly, I’m concerned that flicking the switch…
Features
Brexit suggests we’re on the right side of history
How nice it would be, in this season of good cheer, to find something hopeful to say. Being a historian,…
New world order
Old establishment New establishment Order of the Garter BBC Sports Personality of the Year Parliament’s Woolsack The Supreme Court…
How I’d sex down the weather forecast
I have, for utterly explicable reasons, not been asked to guest-edit Radio 4’s Today this Christmas. Had I, though, I would…
For Ronnie Wood, every picture tells a story
I am in Paris for the Rolling Stones’ No Filter concert, in Ronnie Wood’s dressing room minutes before he is…
Are driverless cars really the future?
Philip Hammond’s last Budget focused on driverless cars as an example of the brave new technological world. But should we…
Mission impossible? The C of E’s attempt to woo new members
If you work for the Church of England in any capacity, from Archbishop of Canterbury to parish flower-arranger, how do…
How to date without getting sued: Dear Mary’s modern guide
For the young heterosexual Spectator male, the dating world is beset with perplexities. It was all so different in his…
I’m teaching my kids about money – by searching for buried treasure
At the end of each year I pull out most of the New Year’s resolutions I’ve ever made — I…
We all suffer ‘old age’ ailments – that doesn’t mean we all need a scan
Memory, neuroscientists tell us, is fallible. It is a dynamic process whereby each time we remember something, it will be…
Ruth Davidson on politics, power and a possible move south
‘You wouldn’t make good spies, would you,’ chuckles Ruth Davidson as she finds us sitting with our backs to the…
Sarah Vine, Prue Leith and Jilly Cooper on their most convincing ghost story
Anthony Horowitz Novelist I have never really believed in ghosts, but I actually had a personal experience which…
China’s new way to drown out the Christmas message? A sea of tat
If you think capitalism has blinged up Christmas, you should see what the Communists are doing to it. At this…
Even if we could create genius ‘designer’ babies, there’s no demand for them
Christmas Day marks the birthday of one of the most gifted human beings ever born. His brilliance was of a…
Rolling tanks, plastic flowers and madness on parade: A visit to North Korea
As Kim Jong-un might blow up the world next year, if not this, and people are forever trying to work…
Field Marshal Lord Bramall on why we should use force for peace
It is always a delight to drive the country roads of Hampshire to see the man known throughout the army…
Order, order! In the Commons, you are where you sit
Diet nannies will spend Christmas telling us ‘you are what you eat’ but in the House of Commons ‘you are…
Prue Leith: Everyone’s waiting for me to make another Bake Off gaffe
Edinburgh is a peach of a city, is it not? Last week, I walked up to the castle on a…
Why smoked salmon doesn’t taste anything like it should
I’m just about old enough to remember when smoked salmon was a rare treat. Then, around 1986 or 1987, suddenly…
A Christmas ghost story: Here We Come A-Wassailing by Andrew Michael Hurley
Andrew Michael Hurley’s debut novel, The Loney, is an unsettling gothic horror story set on a bleak stretch of the…
The Week
A simple way for Spectator readers to make a real difference
Perhaps the most insightful piece of political analysis since the turn of the century came from the Queen in a…
A portrait of 2017: Brexit stumbled forward, Big Ben was silenced and sexual allegations swept the world
January ‘No deal for Britain is better than a bad deal for Britain,’ Theresa May, the Prime Minister, declared in…
Why I’m bombarded with ads for funeral insurance and knitted animals
This year began badly with the death of Alexander Chancellor, former editor of this magazine. He was the most fun…
What Christmas really costs us — and how much of it we waste
Christmas splurge How much extra do households spend at Christmas?— £500, according to the Bank of England. Over the course…
Regina, a Syrian in South Shields
D(is) M(anibus) Regina liberta(m) et coniuge(m) Barates Palmyrenus natione Catuallauna an(norum) XXX ‘To the spirits of the dead, and to…
Letters: Returning jihadis, the Labour abyss and why Stokes can’t play
Returning jihadis Sir: Coping with those who pose a terrorist threat to the UK but cannot be prosecuted for a…
Columnists
Are we morally better people than our ancestors?
The doctrine of progress implies that things get better. This is clearly true in terms of scientific knowledge, though not…
The age of volatility
Every year in British politics seems to be more surprising than the last. Few predicted in 2015 that the Conservatives…
And now for Graham Norton’s next guest… Adolf Hitler!
Having thoroughly enjoyed Graham Norton’s recent forensic cross-examination of Hillary Clinton on BBC1, I’m thrilled that the corporation intends to…
How can any intelligent person have faith?
Ten years ago, I had a strange debate about faith with a famous Jesuit and an agnostic psychoanalyst in a…
Leave Brexit alone and get on with governing
I return often to Cambridge and was there recently. Julian Glover, my partner, was talking to the History Society at…
A purity test for artists is the end of art
However we keep ourselves amused over the holidays this year, two sources of entertainment are off the docket. Amid the…
Poking fun at the royals is good for the monarchy
Isn’t Meghan fabulous? Hasn’t she totally brought the monarchy into the 21st century? Doesn’t she make Kate look like such…
Instead of schmoozing at City parties, this year I’m Sarah the Cook in panto
Last Christmas I offered you a cruel satire about a boardroom big-shot whose career went so awry that he ended…
Books
It’s time to rehabilitate Ulysses S. Grant — scorned hero of the Civil War
Last year, more than 6,000,000 people visited the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC. By contrast, barely 80,000 went to General…
The best way to see India — by train
‘I went to a restaurant the other day called Taste of the Raj. The waiter hit me with a stick…
The history of the Bank of England would make a marvellous musical
Hamilton, created by the remarkable Lin-Manuel Miranda, has brought the financial musical to the London stage: a serious biography of…
The hopes and fears of Bethlehem
Before a certain baby was born there, Bethlehem was famous for its sweet water. Shepherd boys like the young David,…
What makes a semi-police state happy?
This charming collection of individual photographic portraits of Bhutanese citizens intentionally highlights the two central features of the kingdom today:…
Anthologies to bring comfort and joy
John Julius Norwich loves Christmas dearly. ‘I just wish it didn’t come round about every three months,’ he says. I…
Did a vodka ban precipitate the Russian Revolution?
It’s one of the more mysterious features of human history that people of every era and in almost every place…
True, dogged likenesses
There are currently 151,000,000 photos on Instagram tagged #Dog which is 14,000,000 more than those tagged #Cat. The enormous number…
Royalist recipes for surviving the civil war
Halfway through Lady Fanshawe’s Receipt Book Lucy Moore takes a moment to regret the vast tracts of the past that…
Why is America so inhibited about sex toys?
It’s hard not to love a book that starts with its author fearing a police sting while flogging sex toys…
Bryant’s tyrants: Chris Bryant bashes the British aristocracy
I rashly discarded this book’s dustjacket when I received it, and thus saw only the unlettered cover, a faded photograph…
The vibrant tradition of English folk song
After hundreds of densely packed pages on folk song in England — a subject for which I share Steve Roud’s…
A master of Norwegian wood
Ole Thorstensen has been a carpenter for 25 years. A master craftsman, in fact. He is busy working on a…
Mission statement: the importance of a fine British embassy
At first blush this looks like one of those run-of-the-mill coffee-table books published just for the Christmas market — expensively…
From Adonis to Prometheus: the beautiful men of myth
Stephen Fry has had a go at the Greek myths, in a competitively priced hardback, just in time for Christmas.…
What on earth was The Prisoner all about?
Now, if someone were to spray stun gas through the keyhole of my front door, and I were to collapse…
Christmas quiz – The answers
Weird world 1. Cannabis 2. Che Guevara 3. Tesco 4. Asda 5. Beauty and the Beast 6. Georgia 7. France…
Spot the Classical Music – The answers
1. The Planets (Holst) 2. The Nutcracker Suite (Tchaikovsky) 3. Fingal’s Cave (Mendelssohn) 4. Enigma Variations (Elgar) 5. Choral Symphony…
Books of 2017 – reviewed
When we look back at 2017 we will probably remember it as a year of minor issues that turned into…
Arts
The time has come for one of the most fascinating and idiosyncratic Renaissance artists
Lorenzo Lotto’s portraits — nervous, intense and enigmatic — are among the most memorable to be painted in 16th-century Italy,…
Time to update our notions of disability and quit with the pity – and Tiny Tim
Here we go again. Partridges in pear trees. Lovely big Christmas turkey. The Queen’s speech. And then, at some point…
Showman, con man, family man: P.T. Barnum’s many faces
‘There’s a sucker born every minute.’ That was the P.T. Barnum battle cry. It has come to have a ring…
If this is Aaron Sorkin’s riposte to those who criticise his portrayal of women, God help us
Molly’s Game marks the directorial debut of Hollywood’s most celebrated screenwriter, Aaron Sorkin, and is based on his adaptation of…
Parliament Square at the Bush is theatre that believes it knows politics better than professional politicians
A new play at the Bush with a catchy political title. Parliament Square introduces us to Kat, a young Scots…
Pete Waterman on hits, HS2 and gay clubbing
One of the members of the government’s HS2 Growth Taskforce is remembering the first time he went to a gay…
The nymphs are hit and miss, but Osipova is a witty, multifaceted Sylvia: the Royal Ballet’s Sylvia reviewed
You can pay homage to a ballet classic or you can tear it up and reinvent it. Both approaches were…
The 280-mile walk that made Bach who he was
It was in his organ loft at Arnstadt that I began my acquaintance with Johann Sebastian Bach — with JSB,…
St Vincent’s Massediction is my album of year (in that I don’t actually hate it yet)
This has not been an appalling year for pop music — it was better than 1984, for example, and 1961.…
Radio 3 offers a refreshing antidote to the current conversations about Europe
The season of Advent, for most children, means anticipation, gleeful waiting, the counting down of days. But after a certain…
A recording that makes you realise Les Troyens is one of the greatest operatic masterpieces
Grade: A- Berlioz’s Les Troyens, one of the greatest operatic masterpieces, manages to be neglected even if it is…
Lovely to look at but irritatingly pious: The Miniaturist reviewed
BBC1’s The Miniaturist (26/7 December) is a lavish two-part adaptation of Jessie Burton’s bestseller. It’s also further proof that almost…
“The Wider Earth”
It’s predecessor was the quaintly titled Waratah Festival which ran for a few days in October. In 1977 Stephen Hall,…
Life
Taki: The forgotten heroes of Christmas
It’s that time of year again. Yippee! And get your wallets out. Scrooges are no longer tolerated at Christmas, although…
Jeremy Clark: Was this a cruise ship — or Colditz?
We ascended the gangplank and were smartly directed to the ship’s library, where the seated purser swiped my debit card…
Melissa Kite: Hell is a porcelain kitchen tile
If only I knew whether I would have a kitchen, I could order a turkey. But despite having an almost…
Aidan Hartley: A plague of ravenous zebras
Laikipia, Kenya The zebra lacks a rumen and eats at least twice as much as a cow. On our…
Robin Oakley: Let’s hear it for the girls
It has been a good year for the girls. The filly Enable was the horse of the year, winning not…
Grand prix
The London Classic is over and full reports in this column will follow in the new year. Meanwhile, we now know…
no. 486
White to play. This position is from Aronian-Giri, Palma de Mallorca 2017. Aronian now finished off a fine attack with…
Season’s greetings
In Competition No. 3028 you were invited to submit lines for a Christmas card courtesy of well-known poets. Poets moved…
The joy of Japanese puzzles
Ever since I first visited Japan a decade ago, I have been fascinated by its approach to maths. The Japanese…
to 2337: millefeuille
Links with NAPOLEON were his battles WAGRAM (10) MARENGO (14) JENA (36); card games BACCARAT (1A) PATIENCE (26) BRAG (30A);…
A beastly business
Three unclued lights form a nine-word quotation from a thematic work. Remaining unclued lights, including one hyphened, are five trios…
Christmas quiz
Weird world In 2017: 1. Police discovered thousands of what kind of plant growing in a disused nuclear bunker…
After many centuries, the triumph of ‘hi’ is complete
A book that changed my way of looking at the world was The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren. It showed…
It’s all shootin’, fishin’ and trufflin’ when lads and dads go out to play
Earlier this year I wrote a defence of driven shooting and ended by saying I hoped my children would have…
Less women’s sport might sometimes be more
The credit sequence for the tennis flick Battle of the Sexes has this very British warning: ‘Contains occasional scenes of…
It’s survived universal suffrage and two world wars: restaurant Rules reviewed
Rules looks as if it voted for Brexit, and now finds itself inside an eternal Christmas Eve, where it is…
Design everything for the disabled and you can’t go wrong
About 30 years ago, BT introduced a telephone handset with enormous keys. It was intended for people with serious visual…
Found in a friend’s cellar — the wines of a lifetime
In longevity, great wine can march with human life. Creating (better still, maintaining) a fine cellar really is a compact…
Dear Mary solves problems for Vince Cable, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Lord Archer and Ruth Davidson
From Sir Vince Cable MP Q. I have an unfulfilled ambition to win a national title for ballroom dancing in…
