Help! I’m turning into Basil Fawlty
Basil Fawlty ended up beating his car with a tree branch after doing B&B for years, and I am very…
Aren’t women wonderful?
The mole specialist was wearing a pink Chanel-looking suit and pink diamanté shoes. By mole specialist, I don’t mean someone…
I’m more convinced than ever that Ian Bailey was innocent
Over coffee in a seafood restaurant in the harbour, I talked with the most notorious accused man in Ireland and,…
Am I making a mountain out of my mole?
Hypochondriacs are never happy because we know that eventually all of us are vindicated. As Spike Milligan said on his…
My hunt for a doctor took a horror movie turn
My American guest went down with a cough he could not shift and, after a week of protesting that he…
There are no Ubers in the wilds of West Cork
My American guest kept telling me he was going to call an Uber and I could not persuade him that…
Why would anyone drive at 30mph on a dual carriageway?
After running all the errands I could to help my parents, a letter from West Midlands Police arrived. They were…
I’m the one who needs a carer now
My father was discharged from hospital with a plastic bag containing 13 boxes of pills and a vague promise that…
Has someone been smuggling drugs in my hay bales?
The hay dealer showed me his latest stock and told me the bright green hay would cost me a staggering…
I won’t let my mother be sent to a care home
My mother was about to be taken to a care home called Willow Trees, and the first thing my instincts…
My parents prefer the NHS to me
The US marine left his long johns down the back of an armchair and the next guest complained that she…
My memorable ride in a Black Hawk
The pilot of the Black Hawk told me I could recline the seat if I wasn’t comfortable. ‘Oh, great!’ I…
My turbulent flight with the hen do crew
‘Oggy oggy oggy!’ shouted the Italian flight attendant over his intercom, and all the hen party ladies on the plane…
Marriage is corny and pointless – but we’re doing it anyway
The one question the priest did not ask me, thank goodness, was why I wanted to get married. That might…
Has the funeral director been sizing up the BB?
The funeral director down the lane is also the local taxi service, which partly explains why I see him drive…
The Irish laugh in the face of EU regulations
Our house was suddenly shrouded in a thick, grey mass of cloud and it felt like a sea fog had…
My run-in with the GP receptionist
‘We don’t have an appointment for you!’ yelled the woman sitting behind the reception hatch. My 87-year-old father stared back…
I shouldn’t be allowed to go to church
‘Life is changed, not ended,’ said the slogan on the lectern as the priest told his flock what to think…
Tenerife is a soap opera in the sun
A warm Sahara wind was blowing and by late afternoon the western sky where it met the sea was the…
The complicated etiquette of the empty train seat
The empty train seat looked inviting, and all three of us stared at it, then looked away, not daring to…
The revenge of the anger management counsellor
‘This is a New York strut,’ said the builder boyfriend as he wedged in place a steel bar, bracing shut…
Printers are pure evil
‘Printers are evil,’ said the office supplies salesman after I texted him to complain that my new printer was not…
My run-in with Greta Thunderpants
The anger management counsellor stormed through the door and shouted at me to turn the heating up. Hello to you…
Hands off my empty plastic bottles!
‘Where are my empty plastic bottles?’ I ran around the house screaming, after discovering my stash had disappeared. The government…
My boyfriend, the hedgehog hero
‘I’m making a hedgehog rescue ladder,’ said the builder boyfriend, who was on his knees in the farmyard, drilling a…
