French kissing with the French
Every year Vernon celebrates the gathering in and pressing of his olive harvest by inviting friends to a ceremony at…
The joy of French hospital food
After checking me in, the receptionist, who was wearing an overcoat, said: ‘There is no heating in the hotel. The…
My moment of madness in the opticians
Foolishly I chose new specs in the village optician’s after a long lunch: a rather outré design that I might…
A tale of bitter brotherly rivalry
For early humans there was no distinction between spirit and matter. There was no idea of self; no barrier between…
The healing power of champagne
The day after Catriona was fitted with a plaster cast and crutches, her elder sister arrived from the UK for…
Life amid Catriona’s cleaning regime
Earlier in this run of glorious October sunshine I was languishing on the bed in the middle of the afternoon…
My happiness has given way to a paralysing melancholy
From our hypothetical drone-mounted camera let us look down into a secluded valley in the same series of valleys as…
Acorns and aliens: lunch with Vernon and the Ukrainians
Catriona and I were late for lunch at Vernon’s because I couldn’t get out of bed. The four of them…
The downfall of the French middle class
The chesty Corsican taxi driver was giving me his earnest appraisal of the way things were headed in France politically.…
Sally Rooney on steroids
To lessen the side effects of chemotherapy I am prescribed a corticosteroid. I take a whopping dose around the treatment…
Why I’m touchy about being asked what I do for a living
In former times I had acquaintances of long standing, or even friends, who never once asked what I did for…
I rather enjoy my chemotherapy sessions
With a French health card everything is free for us cancer patients, even taxis to and from the hospital. ‘This…
A tale of refugees from ‘Brexit Britain’
In the New Year I was introduced to a couple who had fled Britain impulsively on New Year’s Eve with…
Was I the picture of evil incarnate?
Not long after Catriona and I first met, her husband painted my head and shoulders portrait in oils as I…
How I love England — despite the hellhole that is Gatwick airport
At Gatwick airport, after an hour and 15 minutes in a snaking queue system apparently purposely designed to infect as…
A tale of many swimming pools
My two grandsons are staying with us here in Provence for a week. Roman soldier Catriona flew from Marseille to…
From ferreter to animal-rights champion
I was sitting quite still at the typewriter when a plump mouse emerged from under the fridge and crossed the…
The art of losing your hair
Although fatigued to the point of catatonia, and sitting there like a 19th-century Fang funeral mask, I am glad to…
A date with destiny – and chemotherapy
I was shown to a room divided into three cubicles, each with a reclining chair and bed table. In the…
A very annoying guide to the Somme battlefields
We arranged to meet the second, more expensive, guide of our Somme battlefield visit at the Thiepval Memorial visitor centre…
Walking the Somme
Where the 36th (Ulster) Division attacked at 7.30 a.m. on the first morning of the Battle of the Somme in…
Help! I’m restaurant-phobic
Vernon fancies this new age elfin-faced French woman who owns and runs a restaurant. She’s hard-working, she’s a reader, and…
It’s the end of lockdown – and the village has gone wild
The village square is a long and pedestrianised oblong shaded along its length by massive pollarded plane trees. It’s known…
Jason Ricci is my mentor, guru and anointed one
A second week recovering in bed in this pleasant south-facing bedroom. If I sit up, my back resting against whitewashed…
The art of negotiating with French nurses
‘Ça va, Monsieur Clarke?’ said a nurse when he noticed I was stirring. It was an effort to speak. ‘Thirsty,’…
