Real life

Was endorsing Boris one of my worst misjudgments ever?

5 December 2020 9:00 am

Now that our social lives are a Venn diagram that only mathematicians can understand I am officially becoming a recluse.…

Why animals’ names matter

28 November 2020 9:00 am

Pretty Man was a plump white pony in the forefront of a sad picture. The photograph showed the seizure by…

The strange case of the ‘alleged bonfire’

21 November 2020 9:00 am

The council has told me that what I saw was an ‘alleged bonfire’. When I described flames towering into the…

Where’s the slogan saying ‘Lose Weight. Stop Boozing. Survive the virus!’?

14 November 2020 9:00 am

Panic at the country feed store. Panic in the horse and pony aisle. I wonder to myself: could life ever…

How do we stop the Lycra dads using our stable yard as a toilet?

7 November 2020 9:00 am

The cyclist pulled into our gateway, got off his bike and grabbed hold of the electric fencing. Installing game cameras,…

My confusing life on the border of Tiers 1 and 2

31 October 2020 9:00 am

As I scoffed down a fabulous supper in a candlelit room full of ecstatic diners, it struck me that this…

I removed my mask and all hell broke loose

24 October 2020 9:00 am

The girl in the posh soap shop put her right arm out, palm flat in my face, and shouted: ‘Stand…

Has my tech guy moved to Africa to escape from me?

17 October 2020 9:00 am

‘I can’t put it off any longer. She’s dying and I don’t think I can ignore the inevitable. We’ve got…

The lunacy of customer service in the time of Covid

10 October 2020 9:00 am

‘Please be aware there is now a Covid surcharge,’ I told the builder boyfriend one morning, as we discussed the…

In praise of fly-tipping

3 October 2020 9:00 am

The pile of fly-tipping was dumped in the night as usual, right against the five bar gate. I arrived to…

This was not your usual entitled Surrey trespasser

26 September 2020 9:00 am

The Volkswagen Passat was parked next to my field gate, sticking out into the lane, blocking larger vehicles from getting…

The WFH community are finally walking their own dogs — with terrible consequences

19 September 2020 9:00 am

Every time I get on a horse I have to face the likelihood that a dog, or pack of dogs,…

Was the maskless man in my carriage dying of Covid?

12 September 2020 9:00 am

A man without a mask appeared to be dying of Covid, or something quite like it, on the London to…

Beware cars with National Trust stickers

5 September 2020 9:00 am

Always the National Trust sticker. It feels like every time a car parks across the gateway to my horses’ field…

Trust the NHS to take the worst elements of the private sector

29 August 2020 9:00 am

After driving around the hospital grounds in concentric circles until I was surely down a wormhole, I found the scanning…

My ‘virus’ turned out to be arthritis

22 August 2020 9:00 am

‘Hallo! You was callin’ us about appoint…MENT!’ said the lady at the scanning unit of my local hospital in broken…

The joy of pickling

15 August 2020 9:00 am

We have beans, peas, potatoes, tomatoes, butternut squash, plums and strawberries growing in our garden. I dug up and replanted…

If the office is ‘too dangerous’, why is everyone jetting off on holiday?

8 August 2020 9:00 am

The whole of Surrey and south-west London seem to have gone abroad on holiday so I’ve got my sanity back.…

You can’t sing in church but you can get a tattoo

1 August 2020 9:00 am

From my seat in the greasy spoon café I looked out on a typical English row of shops on a…

You wait ages for an ambulance, then five come along at once

25 July 2020 9:00 am

‘I need an ambulance!’ yelled the builder boyfriend into his mobile phone as the cyclist lay bleeding from a head…

The politics of hair dye

18 July 2020 9:00 am

‘What are you going to put on my head to protect me?’ said the man outside the barber’s shop to…

Will Zooming replace real-life socialising?

11 July 2020 9:00 am

‘Are you seriously telling me you would rather meet up on Zoom than in reality?’ I asked a friend as…

It’s time for lockdown lovers to accept that the fun is over

4 July 2020 9:00 am

My friend turned up wearing a snorkelling mask, beneath which she had tied a bandana around her mouth. On her…

The abominable selfishness of the Surrey middle classes

27 June 2020 9:00 am

‘Have you met the man who keeps his horses in this field?’ said one silver-haired lady to the other, as…

My organ donation opt-out hell

20 June 2020 9:00 am

Opting out of organ donation was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. I don’t mean the…