Real life

As long as jokes remain legal I’ll keep on making them

21 February 2020 10:00 pm

Mr Benn has been in touch because he wants a right of reply to an article I wrote about my…

The pros and cons of robot vision

15 February 2020 9:00 am

Being told I am now both short-sighted and long-sighted feels like someone is playing a very bad joke on me.…

The builder boyfriend has fallen off the roof – and still he won’t see a doctor

7 February 2020 10:00 pm

The builder boyfriend fell off a roof. He didn’t tell me until he could no longer leave unexplained why he…

Dogging on our doorstep

1 February 2020 9:00 am

Some might say it was a typical over-reaction on my part to erect hidden cameras at the horses’ field. First…

What has Mr Benn got to do with horse insurance?

24 January 2020 10:00 pm

‘Time to begin your adventure with Mr Benn!’ said the letter that came through my door, in a big loopy…

How to catch a thief

18 January 2020 9:00 am

My tech guy Andy appeared on the doorstep in a puff of smoke. I had just texted him to ask…

How my new pony swept me off my feet – literally

11 January 2020 9:00 am

‘This is the one I was thinking of for you,’ said the lady I might feasibly call my mother-in-law, in…

The strange case of the everlasting bonfire

21 December 2019 9:00 am

The bonfire burned and burned, choking out black smoke, and when my headache got so bad I could barely see…

Our local Tory candidate’s leaflet was the most disturbing of them all

14 December 2019 9:00 am

‘Oh, it’s you!’ said the builder boyfriend to the Tory MP in his shooting jacket, as he made his way…

I’ve practically solved the crime myself but still the police won’t help

7 December 2019 9:00 am

‘Thank you for calling Surrey Police. We want to help you with your inquiry as quickly as possible. Did you…

I’ve finally found out the truth about my horse-riding nemesis

30 November 2019 9:00 am

She was a trade union activist, she told me. She wanted a second referendum. Well, they all do. I’m starting…

How you can tell the gender of a thief

23 November 2019 9:00 am

My attempt at being Columbo was only taking me so far. In solving the mystery of who raided the barn,…

The strange case of six missing horse rugs

16 November 2019 9:00 am

The night after the fireworks display the barn was raided and our horse rugs were taken. Good job I’ve watched…

Who will take the threat to horses from fireworks seriously?

9 November 2019 9:00 am

Remember remember the 5th of November, when Britain’s most controversial pub chain stages a massive firework display in the middle…

[Photo: middelveld]

I’m getting another horse — but it’s not for me

2 November 2019 9:00 am

Sitting on the train to Surrey, I was halfway home and texted the builder boyfriend to say when I would…

[Photo: Alasdair Thomson]

Was our nut-infested plane a death trap?

26 October 2019 9:00 am

‘This is your captain speaking, welcome aboard this flight to London Gatwick. As there is a passenger on our flight…

In the middle of our holiday came the phone call I was dreading

19 October 2019 9:00 am

Just before Tara left us, the old chestnut mare used to enjoy standing at the bottom gate watching the sun…

My bid to boost my carbon footprint

12 October 2019 9:00 am

Inspired by Harry and Meghan I decided to get on a plane. I hadn’t been anywhere for so long it…

Should I return to the land of my Italian ancestors?

5 October 2019 9:00 am

When I was growing up, my Italian grandfather was my favourite person. He taught me to play a mean game…

The rise of the Brexitainers

28 September 2019 9:00 am

The Union Jack is flying on the front of my house. After a long discussion with the local council, planning…

Do I need planning permission to fly a Union Flag on my house? [Photo: coldsnowstorm]

What Brexiteers can teach Remoaners about good manners

21 September 2019 9:00 am

‘If we are going to Westminster to riot,’ I told my Brexit-voting friends over dinner at the Thai restaurant at…

Pet health insurance is a scam

14 September 2019 9:00 am

‘The reason vets are so expensive now,’ explained the vet in her snazzy green uniform, ‘is because we can do…

How it feels to be the only Brexiteers in the village

7 September 2019 9:00 am

We are the only Brexiteers in the village. That, at least, is how it feels. Out they come, the far…

The EU has banned a miracle cure for laminitis

31 August 2019 9:00 am

Once upon a time, in a country that didn’t run itself, a horse supplement company invented a cure for laminitis.…

A mysterious case of fly-tipping immunity

24 August 2019 9:00 am

When is fly-tipping not fly-tipping? I think I can explain, now the pile of rubble has finally moved from the…