Real life

My Christmas tree health-and-safety nightmare

8 December 2018 9:00 am

Decorating a tree on the unfinished minstrels’ gallery was an appealing idea if only for the health and safety violations.…

The joy of dentristy

I was right; the vet was wrong; and the scary sexy dentist sorted out the horses

1 December 2018 9:00 am

The horse dentist is handsome, with blond windswept hair and a weather-beaten face. There is something Heathcliffian about him, something…

How to destroy a house from the ground up

24 November 2018 9:00 am

Lying in bed one night as the rain pounded down, I became aware of a yellow patch forming on the…

Education, spiritual guidance and a good cappuccino: the new face of the NHS

17 November 2018 9:00 am

Left at the Dementia Café, right at the Sleep Office, past the Spiritual Care Centre… This was my journey through…

The NHS at 70 has summoned me to its presense

The NHS is teaching me how to stand properly

10 November 2018 9:00 am

If you are wondering, any more than usual, how your tax is being spent, you should know that I have…

My hundred-year-old-horse

3 November 2018 9:00 am

‘This isn’t so bad,’ said my friend, as we knelt at my old mare’s side as she lay on the…

Bitless and scared witless: a dangerous new left-wing cult

27 October 2018 9:00 am

Just when you thought there was nothing more for women of the left to nonsensically oppose, I bring you news…

You’ve got Gmail – whether you like it or not

Silicon Valley’s evil plan

20 October 2018 9:00 am

After months of trying not to try the exciting new version of Gmail, the exciting new version of Gmail tried…

The law of acronyms

13 October 2018 9:00 am

Teacher training is terrific fun. Oh yes, I am thoroughly enjoying myself on my evening course at Guildford College. Don’t…

I am a prisoner of Norton AntiVirus

6 October 2018 9:00 am

Two and a half hours after my tech guy began trying to uninstall Norton, he had purple smoke coming out…

Why mutilate a perfectly good pronoun?

29 September 2018 9:00 am

‘I’m just going to pop yourself on hold,’ said the girl from the online shopping firm who was trying to…

Why my lodger has to be a girl

22 September 2018 9:00 am

The little lodger is moving in. I chose her after an exhaustive search of twentysomethings looking for accommodation, during which…

I was hounded by a canine sex pest

15 September 2018 9:00 am

A big part of my problem is that I don’t understand why people do the things they do. I was…

Is it easier to leave the EU than Norton AntiVirus?

8 September 2018 9:00 am

Leaving Norton, the antivirus software package, is a bit like trying to leave the EU. You may think, once you…

When you compare ragwort to Islamic extremism, who should be more offended?

1 September 2018 9:00 am

When I made a joke about ragwort being like Islamic extremism, I expected someone to write in. I was fully…

I am high as a Kite on gloss paint (excuse the pun)

25 August 2018 9:00 am

After I had been glossing the woodwork for a few days, I started to feel light-headed. It hadn’t occurred to…

Why won’t anyone live with me?

18 August 2018 9:00 am

When I placed an advert for a lodger I really did expect potential tenants to want to come and see…

Welcome to customer services, Guantanamo Bay-style

11 August 2018 9:00 am

The engineer from Beko arrived and got to work trying to mend the new fridge. Having spent a very long…

The only guarantee I have is that there is no guaranteeing my guarantee

4 August 2018 9:00 am

Beko. I always want to sing that song by Peter Gabriel from the movie about the South African freedom fighter…

Stefano is a tonic, and I love him

28 July 2018 9:00 am

Stefano came back to paint the front of the house. I have never been so pleased to see his red…

It was either new carpets – or happy dogs

21 July 2018 9:00 am

Instead of carpeting the upstairs of the house, I had grass fragments removed from the dogs’ ears. I can’t say…

Is EE fantastic after all?

14 July 2018 9:00 am

This was going to be about how a major phone company surprised me by delivering a fantastic service. I was…

Sex and MOTs

7 July 2018 9:00 am

Opening a button of my shirt to get the horse lorry through its MOT is the sort of thing I…

Me and my gun

30 June 2018 9:00 am

Finally, I got my hands on a gun. About the size of a sawn-off shotgun it was, just under 20in…

The hidden costs of dogging

23 June 2018 9:00 am

Every day in every way we are paying for more and more. I realise this increasingly. Things we took for…