Real life

How I fought the urge to panic-buy – and won

28 March 2020 9:00 am

‘Get me Heygates on the phone! I need that order of pony nuts now, damn it!’ It was like a…

The badlands of rural Surrey

21 March 2020 9:00 am

The most exciting place on earth I have ever been to is the village where I live. And I don’t…

If I don’t like being fat, I should be allowed to say so

14 March 2020 9:00 am

The game was up when I put on a pair of size 14 jodhpurs at the country store and they…

How I fell out of love with the BBC

7 March 2020 9:00 am

One of the many technological things I don’t understand is, how come I’m paying to watch television? I know why…

Is it possible to have a touch of coronavirus?

29 February 2020 9:00 am

Nice of the NHS to send an advisory text about coronavirus, because I was wondering. Is it possible to have…

As long as jokes remain legal I’ll keep on making them

21 February 2020 10:00 pm

Mr Benn has been in touch because he wants a right of reply to an article I wrote about my…

The pros and cons of robot vision

15 February 2020 9:00 am

Being told I am now both short-sighted and long-sighted feels like someone is playing a very bad joke on me.…

The builder boyfriend has fallen off the roof – and still he won’t see a doctor

7 February 2020 10:00 pm

The builder boyfriend fell off a roof. He didn’t tell me until he could no longer leave unexplained why he…

Dogging on our doorstep

1 February 2020 9:00 am

Some might say it was a typical over-reaction on my part to erect hidden cameras at the horses’ field. First…

What has Mr Benn got to do with horse insurance?

24 January 2020 10:00 pm

‘Time to begin your adventure with Mr Benn!’ said the letter that came through my door, in a big loopy…

How to catch a thief

18 January 2020 9:00 am

My tech guy Andy appeared on the doorstep in a puff of smoke. I had just texted him to ask…

How my new pony swept me off my feet – literally

11 January 2020 9:00 am

‘This is the one I was thinking of for you,’ said the lady I might feasibly call my mother-in-law, in…

The strange case of the everlasting bonfire

21 December 2019 9:00 am

The bonfire burned and burned, choking out black smoke, and when my headache got so bad I could barely see…

Our local Tory candidate’s leaflet was the most disturbing of them all

14 December 2019 9:00 am

‘Oh, it’s you!’ said the builder boyfriend to the Tory MP in his shooting jacket, as he made his way…

I’ve practically solved the crime myself but still the police won’t help

7 December 2019 9:00 am

‘Thank you for calling Surrey Police. We want to help you with your inquiry as quickly as possible. Did you…

I’ve finally found out the truth about my horse-riding nemesis

30 November 2019 9:00 am

She was a trade union activist, she told me. She wanted a second referendum. Well, they all do. I’m starting…

How you can tell the gender of a thief

23 November 2019 9:00 am

My attempt at being Columbo was only taking me so far. In solving the mystery of who raided the barn,…

The strange case of six missing horse rugs

16 November 2019 9:00 am

The night after the fireworks display the barn was raided and our horse rugs were taken. Good job I’ve watched…

Who will take the threat to horses from fireworks seriously?

9 November 2019 9:00 am

Remember remember the 5th of November, when Britain’s most controversial pub chain stages a massive firework display in the middle…

[Photo: middelveld]

I’m getting another horse — but it’s not for me

2 November 2019 9:00 am

Sitting on the train to Surrey, I was halfway home and texted the builder boyfriend to say when I would…

[Photo: Alasdair Thomson]

Was our nut-infested plane a death trap?

26 October 2019 9:00 am

‘This is your captain speaking, welcome aboard this flight to London Gatwick. As there is a passenger on our flight…

In the middle of our holiday came the phone call I was dreading

19 October 2019 9:00 am

Just before Tara left us, the old chestnut mare used to enjoy standing at the bottom gate watching the sun…

My bid to boost my carbon footprint

12 October 2019 9:00 am

Inspired by Harry and Meghan I decided to get on a plane. I hadn’t been anywhere for so long it…

Should I return to the land of my Italian ancestors?

5 October 2019 9:00 am

When I was growing up, my Italian grandfather was my favourite person. He taught me to play a mean game…

The rise of the Brexitainers

28 September 2019 9:00 am

The Union Jack is flying on the front of my house. After a long discussion with the local council, planning…