Real life

This was not your usual entitled Surrey trespasser

26 September 2020 9:00 am

The Volkswagen Passat was parked next to my field gate, sticking out into the lane, blocking larger vehicles from getting…

The WFH community are finally walking their own dogs — with terrible consequences

19 September 2020 9:00 am

Every time I get on a horse I have to face the likelihood that a dog, or pack of dogs,…

Was the maskless man in my carriage dying of Covid?

12 September 2020 9:00 am

A man without a mask appeared to be dying of Covid, or something quite like it, on the London to…

Beware cars with National Trust stickers

5 September 2020 9:00 am

Always the National Trust sticker. It feels like every time a car parks across the gateway to my horses’ field…

Trust the NHS to take the worst elements of the private sector

29 August 2020 9:00 am

After driving around the hospital grounds in concentric circles until I was surely down a wormhole, I found the scanning…

My ‘virus’ turned out to be arthritis

22 August 2020 9:00 am

‘Hallo! You was callin’ us about appoint…MENT!’ said the lady at the scanning unit of my local hospital in broken…

The joy of pickling

15 August 2020 9:00 am

We have beans, peas, potatoes, tomatoes, butternut squash, plums and strawberries growing in our garden. I dug up and replanted…

If the office is ‘too dangerous’, why is everyone jetting off on holiday?

8 August 2020 9:00 am

The whole of Surrey and south-west London seem to have gone abroad on holiday so I’ve got my sanity back.…

You can’t sing in church but you can get a tattoo

1 August 2020 9:00 am

From my seat in the greasy spoon café I looked out on a typical English row of shops on a…

You wait ages for an ambulance, then five come along at once

25 July 2020 9:00 am

‘I need an ambulance!’ yelled the builder boyfriend into his mobile phone as the cyclist lay bleeding from a head…

The politics of hair dye

18 July 2020 9:00 am

‘What are you going to put on my head to protect me?’ said the man outside the barber’s shop to…

Will Zooming replace real-life socialising?

11 July 2020 9:00 am

‘Are you seriously telling me you would rather meet up on Zoom than in reality?’ I asked a friend as…

It’s time for lockdown lovers to accept that the fun is over

4 July 2020 9:00 am

My friend turned up wearing a snorkelling mask, beneath which she had tied a bandana around her mouth. On her…

The abominable selfishness of the Surrey middle classes

27 June 2020 9:00 am

‘Have you met the man who keeps his horses in this field?’ said one silver-haired lady to the other, as…

My organ donation opt-out hell

20 June 2020 9:00 am

Opting out of organ donation was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. I don’t mean the…

There were horses loose in a Public Sex Environment

13 June 2020 9:00 am

The two horses looked like they had never seen anything like it. They had wound up in a dark car…

Our first outing to the beach was ruined by angry two-metre-ites

6 June 2020 9:00 am

We went on our first outing, to the beach at Littlehampton, but I’m not sure it was as stress-relieving as…

All I want to do is de-worm my horse

30 May 2020 9:00 am

We arrived at the country store with only three minutes to closing time so our chances of scoring horse wormer…

What no one tells you about owning a horse

23 May 2020 9:00 am

When people ask me what I did during lockdown, I would like to give an inspiring answer, apart from growing…

Lockdown is making a Lib Dem of me

16 May 2020 9:00 am

If this lockdown doesn’t end soon we are all going to turn into hairy lefties. I have just cut the…

My toilet ultimatum to the builder boyfriend

9 May 2020 9:00 am

The rain showers had a strange and wondrous effect. All the cyclists, joggers and dog walkers that were coming from…

I’m imposing a one-woman trade embargo on China

2 May 2020 9:00 am

Without making any efforts in that direction, I now know all about a certain telecom firm’s future business plans. My…

We don’t have lockdown in Surrey

25 April 2020 9:00 am

The man was unloading cycles from the boot of his car just as I was about to take the turning…

Why I joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses

18 April 2020 9:00 am

The toad who lives at the bottom of the garden in the pile of bricks beneath the potting table was…

Could this pandemic be the death of veganism?

11 April 2020 9:00 am

‘Do you want some of the private stuff from out the back?’ said the butcher to the builder boyfriend, leaning…