Flat White

CBD: and now for the AA meetings

26 May 2019

4:53 PM

26 May 2019

4:53 PM

Our peeved yet perspicacious political insider writes exclusively:

Excessive self-medication in the wake, if not at the wake, of the election result has CBD contemplating professional assistance. Having to drop BS in favour of AA (Anthony Albanese) has a respectable (albeit self help) ring about it. Telling fellow GULAG supporters CBD is off to support AA may be helpfully misleading.

Getting used to GULAG being in opposition for another three years is humiliating given the hubris. Thank goodness CBD’s workplace provides no questions asked bereavement leave. The Public Service is so understanding.

Now a naive bean counting colleague in Treasury has quietly whispered to CBD that the second quarter retail sales figures are developing a surge from a most unlikely source – the sale of tape measures. Inexplicable CBD was told. CBD in turn advised the figures would be rebalanced as refunds from returns were to be expected. Blank looks and a grunt greeted CBD in response. Treasury just don’t understand the retail spending patterns of expectant GULAG ministers.

CBD is still struggling to deconstruct the election result. How can a middle aged white man with an attractive wife … oops significant other who was state school educated defeat a middle aged white man with an attractive significant other whose mother was a barrister and held a doctorate and who was educated at a top private school. Don’t Australians believe in a fair go anymore?

What’s more SM’s mob look after women so poorly that little Missie Higgins stepped down at the poll because of family issues whereas Tanya Plibersek…

What’s even more, after a leadership change SM’s mob refused to elevate the female deputy leader to the leadership unlike GULAG which…

CBD feels sympathy for all those objective reporters who have the same difficulty as CBD in finishing those sentences.

At least GULAG is keeping its promises. Having campaigned on leadership chaos GULAG is delivering. The heads keep popping up quicker than in ‘Whac-a-mole’ but they all get a rapid whack from the factional warlords.

CBD predicts AA and Richard Marles as the GULAG leadership team. Dr Nut Ally will continue to be head elf. As for GetUp? Their boss Oosting must surely be in for the chop. Wasting money on campaigns that had to be pulled. Even worse blackened GetUp’s name. The subtlety of GetUp was its strength. The highly unsubtle and undergraduate campaign materials which had to be withdrawn not only embarrassed CBD and fellow GULAG supporters but foolishly exposed GetUp for what CBD knew it to be but should not be known publicly. To think GULAG enemies such as Tasmanian devil – or, rather, Great Satan – Senator Eric Abetz might use this to further damage GetUp and vicariously GULAG is too galling to contemplate.

While GetUp can claim credit for finally getting rid of AA (no the other one, Anthony Abbott), a Rhodes Scholar former PM in favour of Silly Zali (talk about sucked in Warringah – they really are the useful idiots. So anxious to virtue signal they’ve done themselves in) their campaign actually helped to improve SM’s margin. Ineptitude writ large.

Oh well. CBD’s lot in life for the next three years it seems is to attend both sorts of AA support meetings and trying to sell excess to requirement tape measures.

CBD contributed regularly throughout the campaign – and you may not have heard the last of him/her/zi yet.

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