Flat White

When you view all of life through the prism of offence, you’ll find offence in every fridge in the supermarket

4 August 2020

4:39 PM

4 August 2020

4:39 PM

The Indigenous activist who forced Coon Cheese out of Australian fridges now wants Paul’s to stop producing “Smarter White Milk” because it is offensive to Aborigines.

Dr Stephen Hagan has told The Daily Mail Australia that the brand name insinuated it was for “for smart, white people, not for smart, black people”.

“There’s a lot of Aboriginal people who take offence,” he said, leaving the world confused as to whether he was trying to end racism or satire.

Of course, smart people of any colour would realise the adjective “smart” was a reference to the product’s low fat content.

And the adjective “white” was simply describing the milk; which is, you know, white.

Apparently not everyone is smart enough to understand Smart White Milk, but it has nothing to do with one’s skin colour.


A chip on the shoulder, however, does seem to affect cognitive ability.

When you view all of life through the prism of offence, is it any wonder you see offence peering out from every fridge in the supermarket?

And can we really blame Dr Hagan for seeing racial taunts everywhere? We all knew the campaign against Coon Cheese was ridiculous – but we acquiesced anyway, out of a misplaced desire to be kind.

“It’s only the name of a cheese,” we thought. “What does it really matter if we change the name? If it makes Dr Hagan happy, why not? And besides, inclusive.”

And so we did. We binned the iconic cheese and wished Dr Hagan well.

But like the parent who gives the foot-stomping toddler everything he wants, we just encouraged increasingly ridiculous tantrums.

Emboldened by his ability to scream “racism” on a whim and see the world pander to his sensibilities, Dr Hagan is not even slightly embarrassed to pout and stop his feet all over again.

If we really cared about Dr Hagan, we would tell him to stop being ridiculous and to grow up. If we really cared about Indigenous people, we would do the same.

Tantrums in the supermarket are normally thrown by children.

But children like the five-year-old boy allegedly gang-raped on a Cape York beach last month by other Indigenous children don’t have the luxury of throwing tantrums as children do.

That has instead been left to the activists who are supposed to be helping them but who prefer, instead, the thrill of raging against groceries.

Enough is enough.

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