Real life
Real life
Why won’t the middle classes shout at their dogs any more? My suspicion is that the bleeding heart liberals, having…
The police persecution of middle-class women
Aren’t the police getting younger nowadays — and ruder, and scruffier and more intolerant of middle-class women? In other words,…
Real life
Aren’t the police getting younger nowadays — and ruder, and scruffier and more intolerant of middle-class women? In other words,…
The joy of anti-psychotic drugs
The doctor eyed me suspiciously as I walked into her consulting room. ‘Ye-es?’ she said, nervously, eyeing me up and…
Real life
The doctor eyed me suspiciously as I walked into her consulting room. ‘Ye-es?’ she said, nervously, eyeing me up and…
The great Sky bundle boondoggle
Foolishly, I have this wild notion that one day, if the stars align in my favour, I might be able…
Real life
Foolishly, I have this wild notion that one day, if the stars align in my favour, I might be able…
In the future we will all speak a new language called Predictive Text
Andy the tech guy looked delighted when I told him I had done the stupidest thing ever. He is one…
Real life
Andy the tech guy looked delighted when I told him I had done the stupidest thing ever. He is one…
My podgy thumbs will never be iPhone-compatible
You can’t always get what you want. And you can never get what you want if you want a phone…
Real life
You can’t always get what you want. And you can never get what you want if you want a phone…
My rich leftie neighbours must be in a state of psychotic denial — or stoned
The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…
Real life
The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…
I only left Emily unattended in the open for 60 seconds
In the seemingly endless search for somewhere nice to live in modern Britain, where parking is not subject to martial…
Why I'd never own a rabbit hutch – or vote Green
‘I suppose,’ said my dad philosophically, ‘I could always vote Green.’ ‘Oh, for goodness sake! Not you as well!’ I…
Maybe it is time to hang up my fighting boots
As a wise person once said (or if they didn’t, they should have), there is only one thing worse than…
I’m just not cut out to be a local activist
By and large, I’m not really sure the world is ready for me to join the steering committee of a…
OK, Aviva, that’s well over £1,400 that you owe me
After I phoned the Aviva call centre for the ten thousandth time, a girl called Adele had to sort it…
Farewell, Cobham — oh flat, boring, lovely Cobham; hello, Dorking
Farewell then, Cobham. You were the place I ran to when the metropolis became too much, and urban life overwhelmed…
I gave the blasted Paltrow method a go and allowed a bit of conscious uncoupling to creep in
The builder boyfriend has a new girlfriend. I suppose he was bound to move on eventually. I just never thought…
I held my breath ready for the explosion. But no explosion came
Darcy was obviously listening to every word I said. After we got back from the ride from hell, in which…
A lot of animal lovers go on about how great it is to rescue a horse from the racing industry
All was going suspiciously well with the thoroughbred. I suppose it had to be the calm before the storm. I…
My life in ailments
My request to see my medical notes was granted in the end. I honestly don’t know why I wanted to…
My request to see my medical notes has sparked all-out panic at my GP surgery
My request to see my medical notes has sparked all-out panic at the GP surgery. ‘What do you mean?’ said…
Confessions of an insurance junkie
Never add up your insurance premiums. I just did and the annual cost of all of them came to more…
