You’ll receive your instructions soon…

Sorry?

When did I join the army?

The Australian Bureau of Statistics is gearing up for the five-yearly Census, due to be held on August 11.

As part of the lead-up, there is an advertisement that reads: ‘You’ll receive your instructions soon.’

The Census helps understand what Australia needs now and into the future. You’ll get instructions soon on what to do. For more information, visit https://t.co/j03F1bCr4V pic.twitter.com/qzcWvLNAqC

— Australian Bureau of Statistics (@ABSStats) July 6, 2026

To me, it feels like a Freudian slip about what the ‘powers that be’ really think of the Australian people.

I put it right up there with Albanese’s, ‘We’ve changed our position.’

There are other ways to say that.

Back to the advertisement… My ‘instructions’, eh? Instructions are what you give to army company commanders, who cascade them to platoon leaders, who brief them to section leaders, who finally tell the privates what the mission entails and what hill they are going to take, or die on.

Instructions are what examination invigilators give to candidates at the start of the mathematics exam … five minutes reading time, put your name on the top, can’t leave in the first 30 minutes.

Instructions are what a football coach tells the players at 3/4 time when they are five goals down … stay close to your opponent, stick the tackles, kick straight.

Instructions carry the expectation of obedience, and sometimes a threat of punishment for non-compliance.

The expectation of obedience to the ABS is explicit.

We are told completing the Census is compulsory.

There are unpleasant consequences for not complying.

We are left in no doubt as to the nature of our relationship to the Chief Statistician – we must do as he/she/it/they say.

We must even concede the premise of the question which will ask us what sex we were assigned at birth. To answer this question without defacing the form is a struggle.

Does this, by extension, suggest government believes citizens to be ‘subjects’ who can be subjected to whatever the government decrees…?

We have conceded rights in the past, such as freedom of movement, association, and body autonomy – bound to the instruction of Premiers and health bureaucrats.

Should we be surprised at the nonchalance of the marketing material?

I remain disgusted, dismayed, and disillusioned.

Of course, instructions only work in one direction.

The nation gave a resounding instruction to governments, federal and state alike, when the referendum on the Voice to Parliament was comprehensively defeated.

That instruction didn’t stop state Premiers moving to legislate similar bodies, largely in secret.

Somehow, our instructions given to MPs don’t seem to have the same force as those they give us.

Many pundits are predicting an electoral rout as voters fed up with ‘changes of position’ and other examples of voter concerns being ignored, contemplate shifting their allegiances at the ballot box.

Whether the resulting ‘instructions’ are treated seriously we will have to wait to see; my bet is that not much will change. We will still be viewed as subjects, to do what we are told.

Long, complicated forms are notoriously difficult to complete accurately. So many factors can distract us and compromise our undivided attention to the matter at hand. Some may even find a feeling of boredom welling up as the night drags on, with no end in sight to the unpaid data entry work foisted on us courtesy of our ‘instructions’.

In these circumstances, I recommend rewarding oneself with something upon each completed question. Also, it is worth having a companion animal – in our household we call him Therapy Dog – on hand to provide emotional support should you find yourself muttering ‘for goodness sake’ (or other less polite forms). Therapy Dog rushes to my side when I say this, and often runs away and comes back with a ball. I’m working on getting him to bring me a beer.

My grandfather was said (and I believe it, having seen my father do the same) to have rubbed candle wax on the part of the form that said ‘Office Use Only’.

I don’t condone that, of course. I prefer beeswax.