Flat White

January 26: The Church of Woke’s one day of the year

26 January 2021

4:00 AM

26 January 2021

4:00 AM

We are religious, as religion is an inescapable concept and everybody is religious. Religions have their holy days (from which we get the word “holiday”), with Christianity having Christmas and Easter, Judaism Yom Kippur, Islam Ramadan, Hinduism Diwali, and so forth. 

The relatively new religion of progressivism, which seeks to supplant and displace the previously dominant religion of Christianity, is in the process of establishing January 26, Australia Day, as the holiest day in its sacral calendar. 

Progressivism borrows heavily from Christianity, which has been dominant in forming the West’s worldview over many centuries. But instead of seeking reconciliation with God, progressives seek above all social justice –- to set the captives free – a concept with strong Christian roots. And instead of devotion to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the Church of Woke devotes itself to fighting against the sins of Racism, Patriarchy and Heteronormativity. 

In the same way that the concept of original sin is central to Christian doctrine, where to be Christian one must first acknowledge one’s own sin, progressive doctrine requires Australians to recognise and acknowledge that Australia is a racist country -– this in spite of Australia being a fair-go country with incidences of dictionary-definition (as opposed to expansive-definition) racism being rare and isolated. 


Indeed, if what Woke teaching says about Australia were true, then we would have to wade through gushing rivers of blood every time we stepped outside, what with 50% of the population either born overseas or with at least one parent born overseas, and nearly 40% of the populations of Melbourne and Sydney born overseas. Naturally, by questioning such Woke dogma, I am, of course, committing a mortal sin risking eternal damnation, also known as being cancelled. 

Australia Day, therefore, offers penitents the opportunity to acknowledge the country’s original sin of Racism and to ask for forgiveness. Similarly, International Women’s Day offers an opportunity for this same ritual, but this time in relation to the sin of Patriarchy; while the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras allows us to reject the grave sin of Heteronormativity by paying homage to an identity that has come to occupy a prominent place in the pantheon of Diversity. 

Through these purging rituals, society undergoes a process of progressive sanctification, where, even as it recognises and struggles against its sins, society never quite frees itself of its sinful nature: the socialism is willing but the fascism is weak. Nevertheless, through a long march through the institutions, society can progressively mortify the fascism, until the final enemy, political incorrectness, is destroyed. 

Therefore, siblings in Wokeness, let us come together in this annual ritual of self-flagellation that we mark on this national holy day, Australia Day. 

And may Wokeism bless you and keep you in its care. 

Amen and Awomen. 

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