Flat White

Mothers Day and our bitter national custody battle

12 May 2019

1:00 AM

12 May 2019

1:00 AM

Mothers Day offers an interesting point of reflection for Australia this year. It’s a week before the election and Australians will ultimately have to decide who wins this bitter custody battle.

On the one side, we have our mother dearest, ScoMo, who we know has the best of intentions, but seems willing to sacrifice those morals to curry favour for this election, with promises of fast toy trains under the Government’s Plan for Australia’s Future Population that we know deep down will never come to fruition.

On the other side, we have our controlling father, Shorten, who ignores Jordan Peterson’s rule, “Don’t bother children while they are skateboarding”, and wants to mollycoddle us, tying us up in red tape with a promise to give casual workers a right to convert to permanent employment and buy our affections by increasing our Newstart Allowance.

With parents like these, it’s no wonder we have the adolescent desire to run off into the woods and try to live with unusual characters like Clive Palmer, Cory Bernardi or the Liberal Democrats, despite us knowing we will ultimately have to decide between our two parents.

Recently, ScoMo has disappointed us time and time again, so much so we have forgotten what our mother’s name is. Tony? Malcolm? Scott?

The disappointment of ScoMo has affected us greatly that there is a dark desire to whine to daddy Bill, and we know if we choose Bill, it will give ScoMo just enough time to reform and become a better leader than if immediately re-elected.

However, choosing Bill would not be in our best interest, even in the short-term. It would result in more debt, as Bill would buy frivolous things like the “National Gender Centre”, trying way too hard to impress those of us who are already a little too green for him.

Perhaps the real question to find which guardian would look after Australia’s interests more, is to ask which leader would prepare Australians to look after themselves?

The obvious answer is ScoMo who will allow Australians to be more financially responsible, and not get involved in social engineering unlike Bill. ScoMo would also continue to balance his own expenses, and not expect us to pick up the bill in the future.

Perhaps the real humour of this situation is no matter who we choose, we will once again have to face the exact same situation again in two and a bit years.

Louis Williams is a Research Associate for the Australian Taxpayers Alliance.

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