Flat White

Creasey come, Creasey go

5 May 2019

1:42 PM

5 May 2019

1:42 PM

Yesterday, upon the stair,

I met a man who wasn’t there

He wasn’t there again today

I wish, I wish he’d go away…

How did barely-legal, louche, social media douchebag Luke Creasey ever get preselected in Melbourne for the once-great Australian Labor Party? And why was he kept there reeking of hypocrisy until more than half of the electors in this grand Federation seat had pre-polled?

The answer to the second question lies in the clockwise ring of strategic swinging neighbours that surround Melbourne: Wills, Cooper, Kooyong, Higgins and Macnamara. All required precious ALP resources that were being wasted trying to retake the unwinnable Green Bandtustan held by a 19 per cent margin to the Libs.

But Creasey’s preselection remains a mystery. The seat was held with distinction by Labor legends Lindsay Tanner (1993-2010), party leader AA Calwell (1940-1972) and WRN Malony (1904-1940).

The urbane and erudite Tanner refused to serve under the more acerbic Julia Gillard, even though both were from the Socialist Left faction. The well-respected finance minister – treasurer, if not for Kevin Rudd’s flawed judgement – announced his intention to not re-contest his seat at the next election, during her first question time as PM in 2010.

Herr Bandt’s Die Grünen have held it ever since.  Labor have continued to go backward in their attempts to retake the seat by bizarrely and counterintuitively trying to outflank them from the left rather than seeking to appeal to the more reasonable middle ground.

This is where the creepy Creasey comes in. Unknown outside the sleazy underworld of Tinder hook-ups, Creasey’s election material says he “is a local secondary school teacher and community leader.”

Well, no. He was employed at Coburg High School – which is as far away from woke Carlton as Wentworth is from Parramatta. And “secondary school teacher” in food technology subjects should be more accurately described as a sinecure teaching disadvantaged kids how to make Nescafe, boil an egg and butter toast.

That just leaves the enigma of “community leader” to be explained. He is currently listed on the federal parliamentary email system and directory as a staffer for Labor MP Julian Hill. His Facebook page shows him to be a supporter and coordinator of Rainbow Labor.

And there’s the rub. Creasey’s litany of “me too” social media indiscretions are there for all to see.

And, like the barnacle turd that sticks to the side of the bowl, he has finally been flushed from the political system!

Never give up your day job folks!

Terence Maher is a former editor of The Melbourne Times.

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