If you’re prone to nausea when listening to the dribble of hypocrites, may I suggest you take some Mylanta tablets before reading this column?

The warm, kind-hearted and compassionate, Clementine Ford had some wisdom to impart to a six-year-old boy-puppet at The Greek Club in Brisbane last Thursday. And her words truly bring a tear to one’s eyes.

The ‘self-described’ unfuckwithable feminist demogorgan was asked if she had any advice to give to a six-year-old boy, whose mother had brought him to the #boyswillbeboys launch in Queensland to be used merely as a prop for Ford’s political agenda.

Boy: “Can you give me some advice Queen Clementine, Sorceress of The Universe, Possessor of all knowledge? “ (I’m paraphrasing)

Clem: “Yes BFF. Let me bestow my infinite wisdom upon you.” (paraphrasing again.) “Follow these three rules: Kindness, empathy, curiosity…..and never lose them.”

Excuse me, I’ve just got to go and barf.

In a tweet about the occasion with her new six-year-old BFF. Clem gushed:

Tonight in Brisbane I experienced the most profound, beautiful moment maybe of my whole career. A six-year-old boy (whose mother had brought him to the #boyswillbeboys launch) asked the final question of the night: “Do you have any advice for me?”

Oh, Clem, Australians are truly ecstatic about your ‘profound’ and ‘beautiful’ moment, myself included. You remind me of the genie who grants three wishes. Will you be curing cancer next?

It must be truly soul-fulfilling to wake up every day and to inflict hatred on men and boys. And to be rewarded commercially for doing so locally and internationally.

Any spiritual teacher advises one to seek knowledge from those that live the TRUTH OF THEIR WORDS.

And with Ford’s kindness and bursting empathy — every boy and man on earth should absorb her vomitous spiels.

Because, let’s face it, even though Clem doesn’t live by these virtues herself. We should allow her to corrupt our little people with penises.

Some kindness, empathy and curiosity from the Clem

Do as I say but not as I do is Clemmy’s affirmation as she stands in front of the mirror every night adoring her own reflection of male hatefulness.

Holy shit. I feel for that poor ‘prop’ of a kid that was used.

It’s a form of child abuse… ain’t it?

PS Clemmy says on Twitter that her Brissie love-in will be broadcast soon on ABC Radio National’s Big Ideas. You may want to let the Communications Minister know what you think about this while he’s looking for a new ABC chair using his message form.

Vanessa de Largie is a freelance journalist and sex columnist who divides her time between London and Melbourne.

Illustration: Allen & Unwin.

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