‘Stop! It’s 11 per cent sugar!’

Sugar

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘You are declared bankrupt. Carry on like it’s no big deal.’

Finance

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Divorce

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Witches

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Cat

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘I’m an undercover policeman, but it’s my day off.’

Policeman

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Apparently our new neighbours have a stage act. Probably a singing duo or something.’

Knives

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Bob

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Darling, come quickly — Clare Balding’s not on.’

Telly

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘In my day we had sweets that looked like cigarettes. They’re banned now, of course.’

Cigarettes

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Stop

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘High-definition TV...low-definition plot...’

Tv

15 March 2014 9:00 am

Basements

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Oh my God! You seem to know everything about me.’

Facebook

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Me and Terry always dreamt of buying our own little pub and festooning it with flat-screen TVs…’

Pub

15 March 2014 9:00 am

‘These acceptance speeches go on far too long.’

Crufts

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘...it’s just that some away games can be so time-consuming.’

Away

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘You have abandonment issues.’

Issues

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘These dice are loaded.’

Loaded

8 March 2014 9:00 am

Just

8 March 2014 9:00 am

Sport

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘I wouldn’t go in there if I were you — Mum and Dad are doing that thing we’re not allowed to look at on the internet.’

Thing

8 March 2014 9:00 am

Dot

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘I’m in for Monet laundering.’

Monet

8 March 2014 9:00 am

‘Hey, this vintage coat has still got a vintage person inside it.’

Vintage

8 March 2014 9:00 am