Life
Twelve miles of indefatigable misery
The taxi-driver wound his window one third of the way down and put a priestlike, confessional ear to the freezing…
I’m opening the pony X-Files: mine may be psychic
My ponies may be psychic. I think they are communicating with each other telepathically. And before you call me delusional,…
The quiet pleasure of washing up (and why I'm still buying a new dishwasher)
I have been having trouble with my dishwasher. It’s seven and a half years old, and it’s manufactured by a…
The Grand National doesn’t need Jeremy Kyle
Never mind David Cameron. Are you participating in the Great Debate about an event of national significance that stirs the…
Bridge
2015 got off to a rollicking start with TGR’s sixth Auction Pairs — chief rollickers being the Norwegians, whose unparalleled…
London Blitz
Britain’s leading grandmaster, Michael Adams, started well in the London Classic, with a beautiful win against the rising star Fabiano…
No: 346
White to play. This position is a variation from Kramnik-Nakamura, London Classic Blitz 2014. How can White make a decisive…
Lines on law
In Competition No. 2881 you were invited to do as Carol Ann Duffy has done and provide an amusing poem…
2195: In question
Each clue contains a superfluous word. When these words are put in sequence according to alphabetical order of answers to…
To 2192: Never again
Eight unclued lights were papal names used only once. Pope JOAN (30) was the fanciful ninth. First prize Michael…
Page 3 was harmless. Here’s why I’ll miss it
‘I for one would be sorry to see them go,’ wrote George Orwell. ‘They are a sort of saturnalia, a harmless…
Battle for Britain
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One-day cricket can make even a turbo-charged century tedious
What a remarkable innings that was in Johannesburg earlier this week when South Africa’s admirable Hashim Amla carried his bat…
Dear Mary: How can I stop friends staying after a 21st?
Q. A neighbour is hosting a party for his daughter’s 21st birthday. Adequate provision has been made for anyone who…
Quaglino’s, the vampire brasserie
Quaglino’s is an ancient subterranean brasserie in St James’s, a district clinging to the 18th century with cadaverous fingers. It…
Existential threat: the birth of a cliché
In the endless game of word association that governs vocabulary, the current favourite as a partner of existential is threat.…
In Dracula’s local
Quaglino’s is an ancient subterranean brasserie in St James’s, a district clinging to the 18th century with cadaverous fingers. It…
Bats out of hell
What a remarkable innings that was in Johannesburg earlier this week when South Africa’s admirable Hashim Amla carried his bat…
Best of Luck
Never mind David Cameron. Are you participating in the Great Debate about an event of national significance that stirs the…
Let’s all become Japanese for a while
This is a good time to write about a nation’s resilience in the face of calamity. I am referring to…
My addiction to literary pilgrimage is akin to masturbation
The hotel and its bright tan prayer rug of a beach were one. In the early morning the distant image…
I dreamed that my broken mop was borne aloft unto the dustcart of Lambeth environmental services
Clearly, I am going to have to report my broken mop handle to the authorities. It has been sitting outside…
Do your patriotic duty and shoot wild boar
It’s 15 years since I first wrote an article about the threat to the nation of the wild boar; but…
I want to do for field rations what Jamie Oliver did for school dinners
Hell’s Kitchen My ambition to open a fish and chip shop in Mogadishu has not happened yet, though I remain…
Bridge
This may sound odd, given its male-only membership, but the Portland is one of my favourite bridge clubs. I’m one…
