Flat White

Why has Victoria become a danger zone for journalists?

29 September 2020

5:30 PM

29 September 2020

5:30 PM

Asking meticulous questions of Premier Daniel Andrews is the fastest way to get yourself sent to the gulag. 

China hasn’t quite finished building Victoria’s physical gulags, so inquiring reporters are caged off in the social media equivalent, with bars forged from semi-literate hashtags and cells patrolled by propaganda bots pretending to be PR experts. 


The flash mob on Twitter, comprised of suspiciously professional anonymous accounts, hunt down and persecute individual journalists who decline to read from Labor’s daily talking points and add question marks at the end, declaring #ThisIsNotJournalism! We can only assume that they are as good at defining journalism as they are at recognising Marxism’s ‘peaceful’ Molotov cocktails. 

Despite the shilling, Daniel Andrews is a long way from facing the Spanish Inquisition. He should be thankful that it is the press gallery sitting opposite his podium and not the frustrated business owners of Victoria. What are the rules? Well, nuance is not open for discussion, speculation is forbidden, and facts are met with a garbled word count that stumbles so many times while circling the truth that Daniel Andrews is in danger of becoming the next Joe Biden. 

Some have even gone so far as to accuse dissenting reporters of ‘trying to get a reaction out of Daniel Andrews’ which would be quite a feat considering he has the emotional range of a Windows98 blue screen. 

In reality, honest journalists are merely attempting to pick detail from the featureless expanse of COVID policy where the premier’s logic moves at a glacial pace for months before cleaving off into violent, destructive medical mandates that nobody dares question. 

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