Flat White

CBD: Don’t Simon Birmingham and co know handshakes are bourgeois and condescending?

10 May 2019

9:36 AM

10 May 2019

9:36 AM

Our perspicacious political insider writes exclusively:

What is it about handshakes? GULAG supporters recall with horror the 2004 Latham /Howard handshake. And now CBD and GULAG supporters will need to recall the non-handshake by petty Penny with the same horror. Being left wing, female, etc the number of identity cards playable by Penny should see her escape the sort of condemnation served out to Latham.

What is particularly disturbing is Latham was known as a taxi driver wrangler so his behaviour did not surprise. But genteel sophisticated Penelope of identity politics HQ fame is now potentially tarred with the same brush (are we PC still allowed to use that expression. You see tar is ‘of colour’ and a particular one at that!)

To be Foreign Minister requires a particular skill set. It requires you to hold your nose whilst smiling for cameras. It requires maturity, a capacity to visualise the bigger picture. An understanding that choices between bad and less bad sometimes need to be made.

So one’s foreign minister needs to display all those characteristics. And GULAG’s Penny Wong, our would be Foreign Minister, showed none of it. To think GULAG’s chances in Election 19 might be jeopardised by a petulant non- handshake is deeply disappointing.

To allow that soft,dripping Birmingham of all people to beat such a bright shining light of GULAG by her own Penny pettiness is shattering.

CBD and GULAG supporters enjoy solving the world’s issues over a soy latte with Equal. Virtue signalling demands CBD and cohort decline bubbly because of our deep commitment to fighting climate change. That one extra bubble of released CO2 could trigger crises untold – cylones, bushfires, droughts, floods, pestilence and even Armageddon and possibly all at the same time. Just because of that one extra bubble; you know the straw and the camel’s back – enough said.

So, yes these discussions are a bit quieter these days without the lubrication and somewhat more sober. Suffice to say the response to petty Penny has been awkward.

CBD and GULAG supporters were cheering on our pin-up Penny until the end. We understand not wanting to shake hands with Birmingham but if Penny becomes Foreign Minister she might have to shake hands with Donald Trump or Theresa May or a new President of Venezuela. So we thought she might as well get used to having to disinfect her hand after handshakes.

Through that petulance pin-up Penny became petty Penny and threw the debate.
In politics it’s often not what is said as much as the optics and the optics of refusing to shake hands was not good. Sure we will all corral around her claiming she is principled and strong. The reality is petty Penny has to be never seen again like a Labor surplus.

The revolution has not yet been had so we need to front debates, shake hands and be civil until GULAG takes control. Only then can pin-up Penny come into her own because there won’t be a need for a handshake at the end of a debate because there won’t be a need for debates.

In the meantime CBD is getting concerned that with eggs, assaults, and refused handshakes the discipline within GULAG is slipping as SM continues to inch forward. Hopefully sufficient voters have prepolled to ensure these gaffes don’t play too big a role and BS will still lead team GULAG to victory in Election 19.

CBD will be contributing regularly throughout the campaign.

Illustration: ABC Television.

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