Flat White

Is that Thanksgiving turkey “he”, “she” or “ze”?

21 November 2018

2:37 PM

21 November 2018

2:37 PM

Life imitates Portlandia:

Proof positive:

It’s time to buy your turkey. But this year, you can also read about your turkey’s story with a tracker code.

Turkey trackers are being used for the first time on Jennie-O and Honeysuckle White turkeys. They are subsidiaries of Hormel Foods and Cargill.

“I think it’s great,” said Logan Asche, of St. Louis Park. “I think it’s good to be educated on where your food comes from.”

The interactive online activity allows shoppers to plug in the “Meet Your Farmer” code found on fresh Honeysuckle White turkeys. You can find information about what farm and where the turkey came from, the family who raised it, and even things like their favorite family tradition.

Personally, I would want to know what gender my turkey identifies as, whether it has been a victim of discrimination, if it remains traumatised by the appointment of Brett Kavanaugh to the United States Supreme Court, its position on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict is and, indeed, if – like the Dish of the Day at Milliways, better known as the Restaurant at the End of the Universe – it has offered informed consent to be eaten.

Bonus if the turkey is indeed from Turkey, or in fact from any other foreign developing country, and is currently undocumented — or been part of the march on the Fascist Trump Wall (TM).

Double bonus if the turkey asks to be eaten raw — zero carbon emissions — and triple if she/he/ze offers practical recycling and reuse proposals for his/her/zier feathers, bones, beak, guts and gizzards.

Arthur Chrenkoff blogs at The Daily Chrenk, where this piece also appears.

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