Flat White

Down in the polls — but still up for it?

5 September 2018

1:56 PM

5 September 2018

1:56 PM

In February this year Malcolm Turnbull banned ‘the bonk’ between ministers and their staff in a desperate bid to distance himself from the Joyce-Campion saga.

Coincidentally in the same month, the United States also banned bonking between Congress and staffers.

Recently, a bonk ban between PhD students and their supervisors was proposed nationally, with one Queensland University having a bonk ban in place between teachers and students, since 2017.

Bans on bonking coupled with the complex #MeToo campaign are ripping through Australian society like wildfire and spoiling all the fun.

I mean, what’s next?  Prohibition?


Is Prime Minister ScoMo (and the ‘new’ generation) going to lift the ban on the bonk?

From the uninspired faces we’ve witnessed since the leadership spill – plus the excessive party in-fighting – surely a good ole bonk between Ministers and staffers could only do Australia the world of good?

Perhaps if a bonk fest was implemented as an alternative we could solve climate change, immigration and the aged care crisis by Christmas.

Do any other Australians miss the larrikin days of old?

The days when Aussies could have a drink, a smoke, a punt and a poke without the neo-puritans and born-again wowsers getting their arse hairs in a knot.

I miss those days.

As Mary Hopkin sang in the 1968 classic:

Those were the days my friends.

We thought they’d never end…

Vanessa de Largie is a freelance journalist and sex columnist who divides her time between London and Melbourne.

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