Flat White

Dear Prince Harry, about those worries…

5 July 2017

7:41 PM

5 July 2017

7:41 PM

Last week I was detailing to my uncle the current Prince’s malaise with his occupation, my uncle replied with at letter of introduction I thought I might share.

Please send this forward:

Dear Prince Harry, 

I am sorry to hear that no one in the family wants the burden of the Crown, I informed my wife that it was up for bidding, she thought about for a while but concluded it would be too much hassle. Which I guess is your point. It would be a pain, that constant pestering you receive; the lack of, what is it? Privacy I guess. However I think you only want privacy when you can’t have it, I would give my left arm for a little less of it. For privacy is all I receive, the kids have their school and other extracurricular activities, the Minister of Defence her needlework and the manager tends to be less than accommodating to my own modernising ideas.

As I’m sure you’re aware life can become a little distracting, someone once said: “there’s more to life than money”. I have been pondering this statement awhile; I think I would now reply “yes, but not much more”. It’s amazing how many things you have to do that that no one ever mentions in polite society. My mother used to laugh at me for how ill-prepared I was for the world, but I thought ‘what of it?’ That was until I had children, the expenses! Food, water, clothing, school, electricity, gas, the mortgage and those are the obvious base things, not mentioning the other questionable purchases that I have to hand my hard earned for each week. 

My nephew mentioned that you do your own shopping. This peaked my interest, with one resounding question, ‘why?’ I guess for you it would be a somewhat novel experience, for me it strikes at the heart of life’s relentlessness. However, I should not complain, I am hopelessly lucky compared to even those around me. Nevertheless, it would be a balmy evening indeed to look down at a pile of letters without the slightest apprehension. 

I read recently you went to the Caribbean, Nepal, Canada and even to our little patch of paradise. We too hope to travel if we can horde enough. Any tips? For the travelling I mean not the other part. My wife would like to have a white Christmas, I personally think it is ridiculous to spend money on something you won’t even remember in 30 years, however, I eventually bowed to her superior wisdom, as I am sure you are used to. Was Canada nice? I saw you were visiting your girlfriend, I dated an actress once, she starred in my school’s production of My Fair Lady the local paper described her as ‘tolerable’ but that is all in the past. 

I saw that you mentioned in your interview your desire for an ordinary life. This struck a cord, for I recognised something of that in my own mother who was often in pursuit of the same unnamed providence. In her later years, she quit her job, sold everything and moved to the bush to work off the land. She lasted a couple of months before the ordinariness of the situation dawned on her. The house had no cooling or any method of keeping out insects, the nights were cold and the days blistered her already ageing countenance. But I believe the sheen first wore off when her inaccurate use of her finite water resources resulted in a week without a shower. I think she coveted a perceived ordinariness for she saw some sort of nobility in it, which of course, must seem ironic. 

Nevertheless, I was talking to a colleague about being King and he said it wasn’t like you could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted, it was actually work. I thought ‘sure, but you know what else is work… work’. I think I would rather work as a King, than as a service manager. 

But, I still wonder how you do it; think of that INVICTUS Games you put together, that is really something. I called some guys up for a bowls game the other day to raise money for the local primary school, two people turned up and one refused to play. Maybe if the King were calling there would be a greater reception. But that made me think, ‘would they be there because they believed in the cause or just to be around the King?’ This forced me to ponder for a couple of days, but I came to the conclusion that I don’t think I would have minded either way. Bowls is enjoyable in any company. 

I know, it is easy to talk about my life from a distance; I, of course, do not share your responsibilities. Duty to a nation and all that follows, being polite and a role model and caring about various things. But I think in my younger years that was what we used to call being a good citizen, now everyone seems to be looking at their feet hoping they don’t run into anything. Anyway, this letter is already becoming overdrawn, so I best conclude. If the job is going I’m sure I can convince my wife. I think I would make a decent hash of being King as I have recently been labelled a gentleman with no class, which I think is half way there. 

If your worries persist, let me know. 


Got something to add? Join the discussion and comment below.

Show comments