Nick Newman

‘My millennial sexbot wants to remain celibate.’

Sexbot

Nick Newman 10 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘It’s safer than putting it in TSB.’

TSB

Nick Newman 3 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘Hello again...’

Back to the

Nick Newman 26 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Storks went out ages ago.’

Deliveroo

Nick Newman 26 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘I’m the war correspondent for Playboy.’

Trump

Nick Newman 19 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘On second thoughts, I’ll give porridge theft a miss.’

Cottage

Nick Newman 12 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘We need an expert on the dangers of computers. Send for Damian Green!’

Cobra

Nick Newman 5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Australia would be great if it weren’t for all the cheats.’

Oz cricket

Nick Newman 5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Let’s hope this celebration of chocolate isn’t hijacked by religion.’

Eggs

Nick Newman 28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Now he knows what it’s like to be in a black hole.’

Hawking

Nick Newman 28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Relax – the Novichok will get you before the cyber attack.’

Virus

Nick Newman 22 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘Is that Mike Pompeo’s welcome or leaving card?’

Good luck

Nick Newman 15 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘We’ve got you off your stabilisers — next performance-enhancing drugs.’

Drugs

Nick Newman 8 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘Was the lecture cancelled due to snow or snowflakes?’

Snowflakes

Nick Newman 8 March 2018 3:00 pm

Triggers

Nick Newman 1 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘They’re easier to come by than chickens.’

KFP

Nick Newman 1 March 2018 3:00 pm

Molementum

Nick Newman 22 February 2018 3:00 pm

‘If your train set doesn’t work get it nationalised.’

Trains

Nick Newman 15 February 2018 3:00 pm

‘Every time I wake up it’s Brexit Day.’

Brexit day

Nick Newman 8 February 2018 3:00 pm

‘I hope this doesn’t degenerate into an elite city charity gala.’

Meat Market

Nick Newman 1 February 2018 3:00 pm

‘It’s the Prince William look.’

Prince William

Nick Newman 25 January 2018 3:00 pm

New Calais border cheque

Calais border

Nick Newman 25 January 2018 3:00 pm

‘I’m afraid we missed our target to see you within four hours.’

A&E

Nick Newman 18 January 2018 3:00 pm

‘An apology should get us off the hook.’

Winter Flu

Nick Newman 11 January 2018 3:00 pm

‘Even the Transport Secretary isn’t going anywhere.’

Reshuffle

Nick Newman 11 January 2018 3:00 pm

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