Nick Newman

‘When I’ve blown everything up, I’m going to write a book blaming everyone else.’

Nick Newman 7 November 2026 9:00 am

‘I hope those aren’t unfunded handouts.’

Nick Newman 31 October 2026 9:00 am

‘I’m after the new Liz Truss book.’

Nick Newman 31 October 2026 9:00 am

‘Luckily I was too busy defending cryptobillionaires to be racist or sexist.’

Nick Newman 24 October 2026 9:00 am

‘I’ve conducted a full investigation into myself and found no wrongdoing.’

Nick Newman 17 October 2026 9:00 am

‘Two’s company, three’s a fringe event.’

Nick Newman 10 October 2026 9:00 am

‘Andy Burnham promised huge change.’

Nick Newman 3 October 2026 9:00 am

‘I’m afraid it’s goodbye, Mr Chips, hello, Mr Lentil.’

Nick Newman 26 September 2026 9:00 am

‘Oh no! Don’t axe my triple lock pension.’

Nick Newman 19 September 2026 9:00 am

‘The tea towel is 70 metres long’

Nick Newman 12 September 2026 9:00 am

‘Welcome to our tennis club.’

Nick Newman 29 August 2026 9:00 am

‘And that’s the asylum centre.’

Nick Newman 22 August 2026 9:00 am

Rod alert warning!

Nick Newman 8 August 2026 9:00 am

‘If anyone likens me to Infantino, throw them to the sharks.’

Nick Newman 8 August 2026 9:00 am

‘Now for the long, gruelling journey home.’

Nick Newman 25 July 2026 9:00 am

‘Relax, I’m here to make a donation.’

Nick Newman 18 July 2026 9:00 am

‘It’s just nice to be somewhere cool.’

Nick Newman 18 July 2026 9:00 am

‘I’m on Brexit benefits.’

Nick Newman 4 July 2026 9:00 am

‘OK, try counting something other than Brexit benefits.’

Nick Newman 27 June 2026 9:00 am

‘Oh no! I’ll lose all my followers.’

Nick Newman 20 June 2026 9:00 am

More ChatGPT, Vicar?

Nick Newman 20 June 2026 9:00 am

‘Oh no! There’s no longer one born every minute.’

Nick Newman 13 June 2026 9:00 am

‘I don’t believe in Nicola Sturgeon.’

Nick Newman 6 June 2026 9:00 am

‘I’m Labour whereas she’s Labour.’

Nick Newman 6 June 2026 9:00 am

‘I just can’t believe Starmer isn’t completely finished yet!’

Nick Newman 30 May 2026 9:00 am

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