My battle with British Gas
By the time I got through to someone at British Gas to complain about them holding £491 of my money…
Wanted: a trap for a happy mouse
‘Excuse me, I’m looking for something to catch a mouse that won’t cause it any distress,’ said the young chap…
Me and the builder boyfriend are going to go without hot water
‘I’d like my money back please’ was what I was waiting to tell British Gas, if they ever stopped the…
British Gas has turned the builder boyfriend into a socialist
A cleverly worded email has arrived from British Gas to explain why, despite the Prime Minister’s announcement, my gas and…
AA only admits the right sort of alcoholics
The support group groupies have issued another ban. They have attempted to slap an exclusion order on another long-standing member,…
I just can’t face one more argument with anyone, ever again
The cyclist was on the wrong side of the road coming towards me head-on. It was a winding country lane…
The ugly side of AA
A lot has been going wrong lately in the support group I’ve been attending for more than 20 years. I…
The death of customer service
The ladies in the bank now wear badges telling you to Be Kind and not do anything that might upset…
My mare has had a ‘misalliance’ with a pint-sized stallion
My favourite vet came to see Darcy and immediately put his finger on the problem. Dusk was falling when he…
I can trace all our problems back to Frankie Dettori
‘If you think about it, Frankie Dettori is to blame,’ said the builder boyfriend, because when things are really bad…
My farmhouse nightmare
From the veranda of a small Irish farmhouse, I looked out over the sun-drenched West Cork peninsula. All I could…
There is nothing speedy about speedy boarding
When my black passport arrived in the post, I decided to take a trip. I’m not a good flier, so…
Everything’s burned to a crisp – and the horses are suffering
Everything is well and truly burned to a crisp, and we are piling through hundreds of pounds of hay a…
The Lycra louts are back
‘That will be £7.50 please,’ said the girl in the bakery to the cyclist in black Lycra after he put…
Why farming needs Ben Wallace
My phone buzzed and rang while I was doing the horses until I thought, fine, I’ll call the Defence Secretary…
The builder and I are done with Surrey
As he grouted the last tile, five years after the bathroom was finished, I knew the game was up. ‘I…
A boiler service, spaghetti western-style
The British Gas engineers arrived in convoy, and the dust from their tyres flew into the air as they came…
How I got one over on the chat bot
‘Your service contract has been completed,’ said someone or something from British Gas, in the chat box on its website.…
Rewilding will kill Waitrose
‘Do you care about the woodland? Do you care about the wildlife?’ shouted the bearded Woodland Trust volunteer from his…
I demand my right to night
The LED streetlamp outside my house was fitted with a ‘compromise’ shield acceptable to a vegan that looked as if…
Why I don’t do WhatsApp
If I could ban one question ever being asked of me again it would be: ‘Are you on WhatsApp?’ I…
The house names of Surrey tell a sad story
If you want to understand Surrey, look at the house names. Keepers’ Copse, Meadow View, Weavers, Highfields… What do all…
The village parking wars have taken an ugly turn
The dynamics of the village can only be understood with reference to what’s happening to the parking. Unless you study…
The politics of horse muck
‘You coming to help us poo pick?’ said my friend Terry, in a desperate sounding voice message. The builder boyfriend…
Are iPhones sending women gaga?
The girl wound down her window, stuck her mobile phone out into midair, and started to take pictures of the…
