Melissa Kite

Melissa Kite writes The Spectator's Real life column.

The joy of a budget hotel

14 October 2023 9:00 am

Train wreck: HS2 destroyed the countryside I love

7 October 2023 9:00 am

The countryside where I grew up has been destroyed by HS2

Real life

7 October 2023 9:00 am

Why are vegans addicted to replica bacon?

30 September 2023 9:00 am

Queueing behind a young woman in the supermarket I became fascinated by the items she had placed on the conveyor…

In defence of cows

23 September 2023 9:00 am

‘They’re going to have to stop cows,’ said my mother, looking doubtfully down at her plate as we tucked into…

Our favourite beach has been destroyed

16 September 2023 9:00 am

‘Ukraine Family – Welcome You,’ said the ungrammatical sign at the entrance to the car park of our favourite West…

‘We need to start the road to rejoin’: Gina Miller on Brexit, farmers and her ambitious plans for Epsom

9 September 2023 9:00 am

Gina Miller on Brexit, farmers and her ambitious plans for Epsom

Concrete, marmite and jam: the fight against Ulez

9 September 2023 9:00 am

‘We’re renegades now. We’re outlaws. Bandits.’ This was my assessment as the builder boyfriend pulled up outside the house in…

Is it really possible to get Covid for a fourth time?

2 September 2023 9:00 am

‘I can’t go through this again!’ I groaned, as I lay in bed encased in icepacks, one on my eyes…

Have millennials sunk my house sale?

26 August 2023 9:00 am

We were about to exchange contracts when I got a call from the estate agent to tell me that another…

How builders plan to get round the Ulez charge

19 August 2023 9:00 am

‘What a worry the Ulez must be for you both,’ said a friend with a nod to the pick-up truck…

Will I have to forcibly flood my house to sell it?

12 August 2023 9:00 am

‘Come on, let’s get a move on with filling in all the forms and we could have this done and…

I am escaping Surrey in the nick of time

5 August 2023 9:00 am

As I slapped a rude note on a car parked outside my house, I realised that nature was taking its…

The problem with posh dog food

29 July 2023 9:00 am

Having loaded the last sack of working dog food in Surrey into my car, I slammed the trolley back into…

How I incurred the wrath of my iPhone

22 July 2023 9:00 am

As I sat down to dinner in a lovely old country pub my reservation was cancelled by my iPhone, which…

Maybe the village will be sad to see us go after all

15 July 2023 9:00 am

‘You certainly gave us a run for our money,’ said the village elder, serving us with what appeared to be…

The Co-op can keep its no claims discount

8 July 2023 9:00 am

When I received an email from the Co-op telling me they had made a mistake with my car insurance, and…

Canine manners have gone to the dogs

1 July 2023 9:00 am

‘Do you want me to put my dog on the lead?’ shouted the woman on her phone, as she came…

If I told my new friend the truth, our friendship would be over

17 June 2023 9:00 am

‘Achoo!’ was the first thing the girl sitting next to me on the plane said as I took my seat…

My rodent house guest has a Benadryl habit

10 June 2023 9:00 am

The mouse has been eating his way through the medicine cabinet to the extent that I am really quite frightened…

The BB wants to put my dream farm on a skip

3 June 2023 9:00 am

‘Have you got your passport? Your phone? Your wallet?’ The builder boyfriend patted his pockets and told me not to…

I have found heaven in West Cork

27 May 2023 9:00 am

A bay mare was standing over a foal curled up sleeping at her feet. Yawning and struggling to keep her…

How not to conduct a house viewing

20 May 2023 9:00 am

The lady standing on the doorstep did not need to tell me what she thought of my house, because the…

Why do people assume I am posh?

13 May 2023 9:00 am

If we cram any more doctors into our spare rooms we can put a sign outside advertising NHS accommodation. We…