‘Australia is a great place to live!’ I would tell my audiences.

‘But it only has one major problem, it was “discovered” by the English. The English, as you all know, have 10 times the population of the Scots, but only 50 per cent of the brain power, intellect, and good looks.

‘So, after discovering Australia, these Englishmen sailed back to London and told the rulers that they had found a place 100 times the size of England, with great farming, fishing, and mineral wealth, etc.