US President Joe Biden has come up with some shockingly garbled speech moments in his short time as leader of the free world.

His inability to string a sentence together has sidelined him (personally) as a political force leaving it an open secret that America is run by other people… For the first time, possibly ever, the public is relieved to know that the President is not really thumbing any nuclear buttons.

Never was this leaderless predicament more evident than during the tiff over the International Space Station when NASA was forced to apologise to Russia over Biden’s bizarre ramblings.

Said the head of Russia’s space agency, Dmitry Rogozin, shortly after threatening to bring the ISS down on Biden’s head:

‘Gentlemen, when planning sanctions, check those who generate them for illness Alzheimer’s. Just in case. To prevent your sanctions from falling on your head. And not only in a figurative sense.

Therefore, for the time being, as a partner, I suggest that you do not behave like an irresponsible gamer, disavow the statement about “Alzheimer’s sanctions”. Friendly advice.’

Instead of being offended, everyone in the potential crash path of the ISS breathed a sigh of relief. Phew!

Not all of Biden’s mistakes are noteworthy. I’m pretty sure he has been forgiven for nodding off at COP26 along with the rest of the congregation, who were staring deadly at the stage and its monotonous drone of virtue signalling. (That’s the problem with evil bureaucracies – they bore you into compliance.)

Still, his comments last week were head-shakingly bad.

While attending a banquet dinner at Dublin Castle in the Republic of Ireland, the President signed his speech off (yes, it’s even in the official White House transcript) thus:

‘So, thank you all. God bless you all. And let’s go – let’s go la – lick the world. Let’s get it done. Thank you.’

Imagine being an employee of the US Government and having to type that out… You’ve dedicated years of your life to be the best of the best to work in service of the most powerful leader in the world and … well, next time go to TAFE and learn a trade, eh?

It remains to be seen how the Republic of Ireland feels about being invited to ‘lick the world’ with the United States. Awkward, I imagine.

To be fair, the entire speech was somewhat of an incoherent mess.

‘Folks, one of the people here today who is – does not hold an office now was – came in his mother’s womb when John Kennedy was speaking here.’

Biden was trying to introduce Mark Shriver in what can generously be described as a ‘creative’ fashion. Reading the transcript reminds me of what Wikipedia would look like if it had a stutter and a sizeable Malware infestation.

‘And so one of the things that – she’d look at me and say, “Joey, remember. Remember who you are.” Like, “You’re a Biden.” Like, you know, what the hell is a Biden? You know what I mean? I’m like – like I’m a – you know, anyway.’

On second thoughts, there are some real AI Chatbot vibes going on.

The President was no doubt trying to say, ‘Let’s go lead the world…’ but the ‘I licked it, so it’s mine’ cultural rule took over the narrative immediately and birthed a swarm of memes that have become part of the historical record. At this point, the White House should give in and produce a print run of merchandise with ‘lick the world’ and try and pay off their $31.38 trillion debt.

It’s not the worst idea.

Biden is a near inexhaustible producer of social media catchphrases. Why not cash in?