Editor’s note: The Spectator Australia’s own Ian Hanke has conducted an exclusive interview with the Covid-19 virus following allegations earlier this week by Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews that the virus is responsible for taking away people’s freedoms. In this world first, the virus explains why it cannot be responsible for taking people’s freedoms away and lays the blame squarely where it belongs. Given the massive public interest in this story, we have chosen to publish the transcript in full.

INTERVIEW WITH CORONAVIRUS.

RE: Premier accuses virus of taking away freedoms.

DATE: 16/10/2020

E&OE

Q:    Can you state your name and address?

A:    Virus. Resident in the world.

Q:    Virus, Premier Daniel Andrews stated on October 12 that: “I have had it put to me that it is the government taking away people’s freedom. The virus has taken away people’s freedom”. Virus, do you accept that you are responsible for taking away people’s freedom and not the government?

A:    I am just a cellular virus.

Q:    So as a virus are you responsible or not?

A:    As a virus, I do not have any human characteristics. I do not have a mind. I do not have a personality. I do not have arms, legs or organs as humans do. I do not have self-awareness. I have no morality or intention. I am just a virus. Therefore I cannot take away people’s freedoms. It is absurd.

Q:    If as a virus you do not take away people’s freedoms then why are Victorians locked down for 22 hours a day; why was a curfew imposed; why are people limited to travelling on in a five-kilometre radius; why are businesses closed?

A:    The actions of humans are the responsibility of humans. It is the politicians who have made the decisions to take away people’s freedoms. Politicians alone are responsible for their decisions.

Q:    You have also been accused of being a “secret agent” and an “enemy” that “lurks” in corners.

A:     More nonsense from politicians that attempt to anthropomorphise a virus so they can frame their own actions as a ‘war” against a pandemic and in doing so strip people of their rights while denying their own responsibility. And that to one side how can a virus be a secret agent when it is discussed in media everyday?

Q:     So you deny responsibility?

A:     I am just a virus. That is all.

Q:    In your opinion who is responsible then?

A:     Premier Andrews.