Flat White

Forget about “noisy Australians”. What about self-absorbed, obsessive-complusive Twits?

27 January 2020

5:00 AM

27 January 2020

5:00 AM

After the bushfires, the Australia Day bashing brigade kept pretty quiet this year. Other than the lunatic fringe, most of them only leapt out of the bushes as the clocked ticked past midnight; pointlessly, really, as most of the nation was either asleep, pissed, trying to get laid or otherwise occupied.

None of them had anything original to say, but that doesn’t mean some contributions weren’t noteworthy.

Step forward “novelist, author and commentator” — no, your byline’s not up to the full Farrelly yet, darl — Jane Caro, who turned in a laugh a minute piece for The SMAge, entitled “In praise of noisy Australians“.


The article was as obvious and clunking as the headline; a defence of those freakish folks who spend their days splashing in the sewer we call Twitter and a jibe at their Great Satan, AKA Scott Morrison. “Democracy is messy and argumentative,” Caro wrote. Well, given the crap she and her playmates fling about as they rant and rave to each other they certainly do their best to make it anything other than rational and constructive.

But that’s only a minor point. The clincher came here. Caro claimed:

If Australia is to reach its full potential as a nation, it’s the critical Australians who will do the heavy lifting. Those who refuse to stay silent if they see injustice, unfairness, stupidity, corruption or the triumph of self-interest.

So, by her own reckoning, Caro doesn’t make that group. Why?

Go back to Twitter. This article is being written a little after 5.00 pm Eastern Summer Time on Sunday. A quick run through Caro’s own Twitter thread suggests she had already Tweeted or re-Tweeted something like 90 times since 6.00 am by then — or around every 7.333333333333333333333 minutes.

Clearly, if you’re that wedded to your iPhone, that obsessed with demonstrating your virtue and your wisdom to the world, you’ll have no time for “heavy lifting”. You’re too self-absorbed.

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