Flat White

What’s woke this week

23 August 2019

1:45 PM

23 August 2019

1:45 PM

When I first began writing this column I used to worry that there might be some weeks that wouldn’t provide enough material, but wokeworld and its crazy inhabitants bestow a continuous embarrassment of riches. The only problem is deciding which stories to write about. So, hey-ho, hey-ho, it’s off to woke we go yet again with examples of monumental woke, watery woke, and shocking woke.

Statue McStatueface

A woke program that was meant to reverse the historical imbalance of public male and female statues in New York City has gone slightly off its pre-determined rails in a couple of ways. Firstly, it ignored the advice of its own advisory group and secondly, in a Boaty McBoatface-like twist, it ignored the results of a poll that sought the public’s input. In a world where woke ideologies so often collide and then make their own rules anyway who would have seen that coming?

Chirlane McCray (erstwhile lesbian and now wife of NYC mayor, Bill de Blasio) along with then deputy mayor, Alicia Glen, last year announced the first five statues to be erected for the She Built NYC program. Not controversial amongst the woke, you might have thought. The trouble was that their selections totally ignored the recommendations of the advisory board that had been assembled by McCray to, you know, provide advice. The committee wanted to honour groups of women, rather than individuals said member and art historian Dr Harriet. F. Senie, “to make the salient point that history is never changed by one individual alone, that changes take time, and that women are known to work collaboratively.”

Dr Senie, in an interview for the ‘arts’ website, Hyperallergic further stated:

The whole process was a charade. I really believe it is important to reconsider our memorial paradigms as well as mayoral appointed commissions whose recommendations are ignored. It suggests they are, in fact, a charade for the mayor to hide behind, implying his final decision was one that came from these appointed bodies when in fact it did not.

Don’t you just love a good woke spat? Especially one that wants to ‘reconsider memorial paradigms’.

The other group that the She Built NYC program decision-makers also ignored is the people of NYC. Three hundred and twenty nominations were received in the commissioned poll, which was topped overwhelmingly by America’s first saint, Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini, who founded an order of nuns and 67 charitable organisations in NYC in the late 1800s, working tirelessly for its immigrant population.

The saint is in good company with other nominees who didn’t make the grade despite their substantial support in the poll. Instead, four people who were not nominated in the poll were selected for inclusion amongst the initial seven memorials, including two infamous transvestite Stonewall rioters and founders of Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries, Silvia (José) Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson (Malcolm Michaels, Jr). Go woke, go joke.

Credence crystal water

The gushing, clueless credulity of wokesters is something to behold, especially when it’s coupled with celebrity status and the kind of millennial ‘journalism’ you’ll find at Popsugar, where woke young people get their news. On Popsugar, under ‘Latest News’ you’ll find stories like American Teens Like Me Won’t Let Our Gun Violence Crisis Go On side-by-side with These 2019 Halloween Costumes For Dogs Are What You Deserve to See Today and Elvis and Priscilla Presley’s Age Difference Isn’t So Scandalous on the Surface (there’s just that teensy underage thing… but, hey, it’s Elvis).

This week they debuted a bandwagon I just know you’ll want to jump on, because, well, Miranda Kerr is on it: Miranda Kerr Drinks her Water Filtered Through Crystals. Here’s a breathless Phoebe Youl describing the crystal phenomenon:

We know collecting crystals seem [sic] to be everywhere right now, and although we can’t attest to crystal healing as a science, we’re personally on board with harnessing as much positive energy as we can. Anything that can help to balance our busy lives, make us feel good, and counteract the amount of screen time (read: radiation) we have on a daily basis and we’re coming in hot — essentially we’re very comfortable with 2019 being the year of the modern witch.

And Miranda about her water-sipping habits:

“I got these really cool bottles for my birthday that you can just refill with water, but at the bottom is a rose quartz,” says Miranda. “I actually have a rose quartz one and an amethyst and I use them all the time. You feel like you’re getting that little extra bit of love when you have your water.”

I don’t think it’s love that Miranda is in serious need of.

There’s even a thoughtful link to the online shop where you can but these miracle bottles for almost $120 a pop. You’ll be even more convinced when you learn that:

The concept for Glacce Bottles came to its founder in a dream. During college, she began drinking water out of mason jars with free-floating crystals at the bottom…. She was enchanted with the exact vision she saw in her head and now, after many prototypes, that vision has finally manifested into reality.

Or psychosis, whichever you prefer.

And shame on you if you had any doubts about the journalistic credentials and newsworthy intentions of Popsugar. I’m sure this little gem that appears above every article is read and carefully absorbed by every one of its uncritical, born-yesterday, dupable audience:

As POPSUGAR editors, we independently select and write about stuff we love and think you’ll like too. POPSUGAR has affiliate and advertising partnerships so we get revenue from sharing this content and from your purchase.

Dr Wokenstein

If you thought shock treatment was a thing of the past you clearly haven’t been introduced to the world of woke psychology. Maddelena Marini, Italian psychologist, former post-doctoral associate at Harvard University and darling of the TEDx set , has proposed ‘non-invasive’ brain stimulation techniques to counter the effects of people’s ethnic and racial prejudices. She says:

Although modern society is populated by individuals belonging to different cultures our mind still reflects the traces of an evolutionary inheritance where human beings lived in small groups composed of individuals with similar genetic and social characteristics, bringing us still to prefer people who are socially and culturally ‘similar to us’ over those who ‘differ from us’.

She says that by increasing or decreasing the activity of certain regions of the brain “it is possible to reduce the strength of unconscious stereotypes” like “the prejudice that leads to associating acts of terrorism with being of Arab origin.” One wonders if she’s been hooking herself up for some self-experimentation that lasted just a little too long.

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