Flat White

What’s woke this week?

5 March 2019

6:09 PM

5 March 2019

6:09 PM

It’s been another big week for woke, especially in the literary world (and I use that term loosely). We’ve seen woke book rewrites, and music video no-he-or-she-writes, among others. The one thing you can be sure of is that the Right (in its many-splendoured senses) has had nothing to do with it.

There’s also been ballooning blackface and more from those twin woke icons of the cisterhood, Meghan and Alexandria, who, in some parallel woke universe, were probably separated at birth.

The write, stuffed

Our first literary gem this week comes from the typically woke genre of graphic novels. You know, they’re the ones for kids who’ve come through schools able to quote apocalyptic climate change scenarios from pompous little twits but unable to read anything more complex than a comic book. Not for them the unfamiliar language and historical challenges of a classic like Little Women, oh no. Wokeworld has produced its own version of the loved coming-of-age tale with just the kind of tripe twists you’d expect. Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy: A Modern Retelling of Little Women by author Rey Terciero and illustrator Bre McCoy, introduces us to the blended multi-racial March family, struggling in modern Brooklyn while African American Mr March is serving in the armed forces in the Middle East.

Both Terciero and McCoy say that the primary themes of Little Women still resonate with them today, but one wonders if they’re really familiar with the work or actually understand its themes at all. In their version eldest sister Meg is described as a ‘fashionista’, while youngest sister Amy ‘takes a stand against adversity’ (whatever that means) and, of course, tomboy Jo recoils “at the romantic overtures of her friendly neighbor Laurie Marquez and begins figuring out her own sexual orientation and how she should tell her family that she is gay”. You probably saw that one coming.

“If everyone else gets their version of ‘Little Women’ and their representation of ‘Little Women,’ then I am not going to feel ashamed for bringing representation of girls of color and mixed families or the LGBT community,” McCoy said. “Because for the people who need it, it’s going to be so important to them. For the people who don’t need it, they don’t have to read it.”

Well, thank God for that, although I suspect that in the not-too-distant future people who refuse to accept this kind of PC puerility will be forced to read it as their punishment. Someone please pass me a spoon to scoop out my eyeballs.

After many years of upping the sexually explicit content of songs and the music videos that sell them to pre-teens, a bright new non-binary star has appeared on the music video horizon. This one is courtesy of the Doubleclicks, sibling duo Aubrey Turner and Laser Malena-Webber, from Portland, Oregon (where else?). I’m not familiar with this duo but am delighted to know – just as you will be – that an army of woke followers allow them to eschew real jobs and “lead an arty, crowdfunded lifestyle”.


The new music video to accompany their song I’m Winning has just been released. I know you’ll want to view it and contribute to their lifestyle on their Kickstarter page. Sixteen ‘non-binary, trans, and genderqueer artists’ created the four  ‘non-binary’, world-saving superhero characters that feature in the video.

Here is the description of Moon, the Warrior: “Moon is super-strong and people expect them to be quiet and terrifying. But ask them about their hobbies and they can’t shut up”. Sterling qualities for saving the world, no doubt. I wish that in their multi-gender recognition quest they didn’t destroy grammar, too.

Blackface is ballooning

A long-time participant in Canberra’s popular Balloon Spectacular is being forced to fly with a new facade at this year’s event. Kay Turnbull’s balloon, Black Magic, which, not surprisingly, is black and features large eyes, a smiling mouth and red bow-tie has been flying at ballooning events around the country for 20 years and Ms Turnbull has never received any complaints about it. But an eagle-eyed woke officer from Events ACT raised concerns over the balloon’s nickname, Golly. So that, of course, was that.

After consultation with ACT government’s Office of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Affairs and the Chair of the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elected Body, the deflating decision to ban Golly was made.

Nice to see those with an inflated sense of their own morality conflating a character from American children’s books with Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander racism… and a balloon.

Schwarzenegger and De Vito… oops, my mistake – The Duchess of Sussex and Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez

Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex and her compatriot Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are the woke gifts that just keep on giving.

It was reported this week that the Duchess and Prince Harry “plan to raise their child with a fluid approach to gender and they won’t be imposing any stereotypes”. In a typically sycophantic report Vanity Fair also suggests that there is “plenty of research” to back up the success of a gender-neutral approach to parenting.

That research? One very small study from Sweden examined 80 (yep, that many – talk about your statistically representative sample) children in Swedish pre-schools and concluded that those enrolled in gender neutral pre-schools “had access to more opportunities”, which researchers “predicted would equate to more success as adults”. Seems like another case of two plus two equals whatever you want it to equal. Lies, damned lies and statistics.

The darling of the democrats was at it again this week, causing offence to her own fan base when she tweeted in support of a comment from fellow wokester Rashida Tlaib. Tlaib had accused Rep Mark Meadows (a Republican) of racism when Meadows brought Trump official Lynne Patton (a black woman) to Michael Cohen’s hearing. She described Patton as a ‘prop’ proving Trump’s racism.

Ocasio-Cortez then lectured the Twitterverse that ‘tokenism is racism’, implying either that Patton was allowing herself to be used as a token or wasn’t intelligent enough to make her own decisions. How’s that for paternalistic racism?

But irony, alas, was once again lost on The Tezster.

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