Real life
Real life
My London flat now has so little space in it I’ve begun storing stuff at the dry cleaners. Back in…
Real life
As the maître d’ ushered me into the packed restaurant, I leaned in close and intoned softly, so as not…
Real life
A letter arrives from the lawyers handling my defence in the phantom whiplash injury claim. It is now coming up…
Real life
A crazy woman is living inside my head. It’s not just the normal crazy woman who camps out there from…
Real life
After a rush of blood to the head, I decided it might be a good idea to ask some awkward…
Real life
‘Let me get this straight,’ I said, looking my Slovakian friend in the eye. ‘You are going to go back…
Real life
Incredible as it seems to me now, there was a time when a wolf whistle was annoying. A man would…
Real life
‘Hi I did Put it on It needed more’ is the pleasingly obscure haiku I find on my kitchen table.…
Real life
Strangely enough, I was in the middle of writing an article about the tactics used by the RSPCA when another…
Real life
The problem with not getting married, I am increasingly realising, is that you cannot get divorced. There is no mechanism…
Real life
A parcel has arrived addressed to ‘Cydney Kite’. The spaniel is ecstatic. She has never received her own mail before,…
Real life
With a heavy heart, I have just conducted my biannual lying session. I hate that I have to do this.…
Real life
As a rule, I tend not to frequent places where there is a sign on the door saying ‘no sharps’.…
Real life
‘Cydney,’ I have just told the spaniel, ‘you had better enjoy this tin of dog food because it cost me…
Real life
‘I have a feeling,’ said my father, ‘that this evening is not going to go well.’ We were sitting in…
Real life
If we had to fight a war on the home front I’m fairly sure we would be stuffed. I base…
Real life
The vet arrived at the stable yard wearing his customary grin. He is the happiest man I know. Of course…
Real life
‘Well,’ said my gay lawyer friend Stephen as I pulled over to drop him off at Sloane Square Tube, ‘it’s…
Real life
‘And for my next trick,’ said the Volvo, as I parked at the supermarket and pulled the handle of the…
Real life
‘What is this, please?’ I said to the estate agent, as he showed me into the building site he was…
Real life
In the end, I threw my mobile phone into a sack of Chudley’s dog biscuits. It was the only way…
Real life
‘Ouch!’ said the ex-builder boyfriend. ‘I think something’s bitten me.’ And a few seconds after that, something bit me too.…
Real life
Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly fight any more battles, a pink planning notice is pinned to the lamp…
Real life
You know you’ve been irreversibly sucked into the ninth circle of horse-owning hell when you find yourself perusing an equine…
Real life
Really, I do wish people would stagger their baby-making. Absolutely every professional person whose services I have required in the…
