Real life
Real life
As the maître d’ ushered me into the packed restaurant, I leaned in close and intoned softly, so as not…
Real life
A letter arrives from the lawyers handling my defence in the phantom whiplash injury claim. It is now coming up…
Real life
A crazy woman is living inside my head. It’s not just the normal crazy woman who camps out there from…
Real life
After a rush of blood to the head, I decided it might be a good idea to ask some awkward…
Real life
‘Let me get this straight,’ I said, looking my Slovakian friend in the eye. ‘You are going to go back…
Real life
Incredible as it seems to me now, there was a time when a wolf whistle was annoying. A man would…
Real life
‘Hi I did Put it on It needed more’ is the pleasingly obscure haiku I find on my kitchen table.…
Real life
Strangely enough, I was in the middle of writing an article about the tactics used by the RSPCA when another…
Real life
The problem with not getting married, I am increasingly realising, is that you cannot get divorced. There is no mechanism…
Real life
A parcel has arrived addressed to ‘Cydney Kite’. The spaniel is ecstatic. She has never received her own mail before,…
Real life
With a heavy heart, I have just conducted my biannual lying session. I hate that I have to do this.…
Real life
As a rule, I tend not to frequent places where there is a sign on the door saying ‘no sharps’.…
Real life
‘Cydney,’ I have just told the spaniel, ‘you had better enjoy this tin of dog food because it cost me…
Real life
‘I have a feeling,’ said my father, ‘that this evening is not going to go well.’ We were sitting in…
Real life
If we had to fight a war on the home front I’m fairly sure we would be stuffed. I base…
Real life
The vet arrived at the stable yard wearing his customary grin. He is the happiest man I know. Of course…
Real life
‘Well,’ said my gay lawyer friend Stephen as I pulled over to drop him off at Sloane Square Tube, ‘it’s…
Real life
‘And for my next trick,’ said the Volvo, as I parked at the supermarket and pulled the handle of the…
Real life
‘What is this, please?’ I said to the estate agent, as he showed me into the building site he was…
Real life
In the end, I threw my mobile phone into a sack of Chudley’s dog biscuits. It was the only way…
Real life
‘Ouch!’ said the ex-builder boyfriend. ‘I think something’s bitten me.’ And a few seconds after that, something bit me too.…
Real life
Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly fight any more battles, a pink planning notice is pinned to the lamp…
Real life
You know you’ve been irreversibly sucked into the ninth circle of horse-owning hell when you find yourself perusing an equine…
Real life
Really, I do wish people would stagger their baby-making. Absolutely every professional person whose services I have required in the…
Real life
The mechanic hooked the Volvo up to his special laptop. He had kindly offered to come to me in order…
