Food
Hope in a takeaway bag
You don’t dine in the age of pandemic: you scuttle about in the wreckage. If you can afford food, and…
Fare game
A fictional Spectator restaurant critic called Forbes McAllister appeared on Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge. He was played…
Eating Easter
Stop the clocks: Fortnum & Mason is still delivering hampers. I am not surprised, because this shop — or rather…
A tale of two takeaways
I love eating while watching bad films like Battleship, so I love takeaway food from local restaurants. I am not…
Dry cake in a red-brick crab
The British Library is the national library of the United Kingdom, and it sits like a red-brick crab on the…
What waste!
Ugly Butterfly is a zero-waste restaurant and champagne bar on the King’s Road, Chelsea. The ‘champagne bar’ addition is so…
Criminally good
The Yard is a defiantly themed restaurant in Hyatt’s new Great Scotland Yard Hotel, an Edwardian red-brick block which once…
A taste of Wild Honey
Wild Honey is a ludicrous name for this restaurant: there is nothing wild about it, and I do not think…
Fairy food for fairy wives: Julie’s Restaurant reviewed
Julie’s is a 50-year-old restaurant in Holland Park, London, newly emerged from three years of closure as plushly renovated as…
This food needs a little less grandeur, and a little more love: Simpson’s in the Strand reviewed
Simpson’s in the Strand stopped serving breakfast in 2017, after it had been renovated to stop it smelling of cabbage.…
Sumptuous, remote – and forgettable: Locket’s reviewed
Locket’s is a new café from the owners of Wiltons in Jermyn Street. Wiltons is the restaurant that dukes visit…
Nauseating, but I like the garlic bread: Legoland Windsor reviewed
The theme music to Legoland in Berkshire is the theme music to The Exorcist. It appears from speakers hidden in…
Back in the Babington Triangle: Roth Bar & Grill reviewed
The Roth Bar & Grill exists on an art-farm called Durslade in Bruton, Somerset, which is also the country outpost…
Stringfellows for the sex robot age: Bob Bob Cité reviewed
Bob Bob Cité is a restaurant dangling like testicles from the underside of the Leadenhall Building in the City of…
An enemy of the people? Or an above-average sandwich chain? Pret A Manger reviewed
The sandwich restaurant Pret A Manger is accused of harbouring centrists. Those are words I never thought I would type,…
I’ve had my fill of brasseries: Moncks reviewed
If you review restaurants professionally you would not think Britain wanted to leave the EU. You would think she wanted…
It’s so easy to go mad in Oxford: Chiang Mai Kitchen reviewed
Oxford is a pile of medieval buildings filled with maniacs, and is therefore one of the most interesting places on…
I wouldn’t suggest you eat here, but I doubt there’s a better place to drop acid: Camelot Castle reviewed
The Camelot Castle Hotel is a pebble-dashed late-Victorian excrescence on a cliff. It overlooks the ruins of Tintagel Castle. A…
Like Twitter, but with food: Market Hall Victoria reviewed
The Market Hall Victoria is an international food shed opposite the station terminus. I have long hated Victoria, thinking it…
Lunch on Leonard Cohen Island: The Pirate Bar reviewed
The Pirate Bar is an oddity, even for this column: a bar and restaurant themed in homage to a pirate,…
A hotel dressed like the Queen Mother: Siren at the Goring reviewed
The Goring is a tiny grand hotel near Victoria Station and the Queen’s garden wall. Victoria is not pleasant —…
The devil eats Prada: Patisserie Marchesi 1824 reviewed
The Prada Café is both a cake shop and a historical inevitability. It sits on Mount Street, almost opposite the…
I didn’t know kosher food this good existed: Decks in Tverya reviewed
Decks is a restaurant built on the Sea of Galilee. It is Benjamin and Sara Netanyahu’s favourite restaurant (it is…
An alternate reality in Heathrow’s Terminal 5: Fortnum & Mason reviewed
I am obsessed with Fortnum & Mason, and the jams of the England that never was but could be. It…
A princess of greasy spoons: Café Diana reviewed
Café Diana is a Princess Diana-themed greasy spoon in Notting Hill Gate. It is a mad place, but it is…
