The mystical power of the word ‘unsafe’
The street light as bright as the Dog Star was fitted with a shield, and I was assigned my own…
My quest for the perfect bean burger
Eventually, I got so bored I ended up at Burger King. For no other reason than to amuse myself one…
Had the kitchen shop assistant been drugged and handcuffed?
The kitchen tap began dripping as if it knew perfectly well that this would land me in a predicament whereby…
Surrey county council has abolished night time
An everlasting lightbulb brighter than the Dog Star was installed in the street lamp outside my house one morning as…
What’s a squashed dog between neighbours?
Not long after he took on a smallholding for his cobs, the builder boyfriend found a couple walking through his…
Join me for weekly Scream If You’re Going Round The Bend
Never mind Clap for Carers, I’m trying to start a new weekly morale booster called Scream If You’re Going Round…
What parking disputes have taught me about Brexit
Our battle with the EU has given me an insight into the parking disputes outside my house. Or is it…
Come back, doggers, all is forgiven
Bring back the men having sex in the undergrowth. This was the thought that occurred to me and my friend…
Why it pays to be rude to ramblers
If the novelty of going for a walk doesn’t wear thin for the marauding masses soon, I am going to…
Was endorsing Boris one of my worst misjudgments ever?
Now that our social lives are a Venn diagram that only mathematicians can understand I am officially becoming a recluse.…
Why animals’ names matter
Pretty Man was a plump white pony in the forefront of a sad picture. The photograph showed the seizure by…
The strange case of the ‘alleged bonfire’
The council has told me that what I saw was an ‘alleged bonfire’. When I described flames towering into the…
Where’s the slogan saying ‘Lose Weight. Stop Boozing. Survive the virus!’?
Panic at the country feed store. Panic in the horse and pony aisle. I wonder to myself: could life ever…
How do we stop the Lycra dads using our stable yard as a toilet?
The cyclist pulled into our gateway, got off his bike and grabbed hold of the electric fencing. Installing game cameras,…
My confusing life on the border of Tiers 1 and 2
As I scoffed down a fabulous supper in a candlelit room full of ecstatic diners, it struck me that this…
I removed my mask and all hell broke loose
The girl in the posh soap shop put her right arm out, palm flat in my face, and shouted: ‘Stand…
Has my tech guy moved to Africa to escape from me?
‘I can’t put it off any longer. She’s dying and I don’t think I can ignore the inevitable. We’ve got…
The lunacy of customer service in the time of Covid
‘Please be aware there is now a Covid surcharge,’ I told the builder boyfriend one morning, as we discussed the…
In praise of fly-tipping
The pile of fly-tipping was dumped in the night as usual, right against the five bar gate. I arrived to…
This was not your usual entitled Surrey trespasser
The Volkswagen Passat was parked next to my field gate, sticking out into the lane, blocking larger vehicles from getting…
The WFH community are finally walking their own dogs — with terrible consequences
Every time I get on a horse I have to face the likelihood that a dog, or pack of dogs,…
Was the maskless man in my carriage dying of Covid?
A man without a mask appeared to be dying of Covid, or something quite like it, on the London to…
Beware cars with National Trust stickers
Always the National Trust sticker. It feels like every time a car parks across the gateway to my horses’ field…
Trust the NHS to take the worst elements of the private sector
After driving around the hospital grounds in concentric circles until I was surely down a wormhole, I found the scanning…
My ‘virus’ turned out to be arthritis
‘Hallo! You was callin’ us about appoint…MENT!’ said the lady at the scanning unit of my local hospital in broken…
