If you are a Victorian who has never tried illegal drugs, now might be a good time to start.

Get caught in Melbourne with up to 50 grams of cannabis, and a magistrate — if he’s in a bad mood — might fine you as much as $826.

Get caught breaching Stay at Home orders in order to have a cup of tea with a friend overlooking the beaches of the Mornington Peninsula and you’ll cop an on-the-spot $4957 fine. Have your significant other join you and the penalty is $9914.

Tea kills. Just say no.