Flat White

In Canberra tonight: WTFF?

3 February 2020

9:44 PM

3 February 2020

9:44 PM

Welcome to the most bizarre night in Australian politics since the well-refreshed Tasmanian Liberal Bruce Goodluck wandered into an evening session of the House of Representatives during the Hawke years dressed in a chicken suit and plonked himself down on the government front bench.

WTF won’t do. It’s more WTFF. (Maiden aunts, ask the bolder of your great-nephews and nieces to translate.)

So the Greens appear set to select a watermelon, Adam Bandt, PhD in Marxism from the University of Melbourne, as their leader — the man who blocked the release of his thesis to the public until enough copies leaked and it was proven to be impenetrable jargon. The fight over the name “Greens” and the party assets should be fun as the genuine environmentalists divorce from not just the crypto, but real communists.

And we haven’t begun yet on the Nationals. Barnaby Joyce, that walking advertisement for vasectomies come a certain stage of life, is dusting himself down — trying to find a shirt free of red wine stains and the reek of cigarettes before he meets the cameras.


Matt Canavan, one of the not just best and brightest, but boldest Nationals of his generation, has strapped a lead weight around his neck and jumped from the ministry.

Meanwhile, the case of Angus Taylor and his Booker Prize-worthy fiction over the loathsome Clover Moore is still bubbling away. Let us remind you. The government, once the Speaker is supplied, has a majority of one.

The bushfire crisis and blows to trade and tourism in the wake of the coronavirus are yet to be fully felt. Presumably, not just the Prime Minister but most of his cabinet are in an Engadine Maccas mood.

Has our parliament decided to blow itself up before recession hits and leave it all to us, the poor punters? Are they going to let Albo lord over the ashes?

As long as there are Comcars to the airport and the Virgin Club — far better than Qantas’ Chairman’s Longue — we shouldn’t be surprised.

Most of our federal parliament make Bridget McKenzie look like pillars of propriety.

Illustration: Twitter.

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