Flat White

Baby, it’s woke outside

6 December 2018

7:18 AM

6 December 2018

7:18 AM

The world has lost its mind.

Before I open my laptop and binge on a brekkie of rage and victimhood, I skull three cups of coffee and have a masturbatory orgasm.

After howling like a bitch, I open my portal to the ‘woke’ wide web and in that moment the world enters my pores and veins.

I’m confronted with:

  • Theybies
  • A person that identifies as a dog.
  • A woman who claims that a ghost proposed to her.
  • A fembot who believes Rhett Butler is a rapist.

The weirdness and outrage beats on and on.

And on and on.

And before I know it, I’m immobilised in my chair, slumped in a semi-coma from astonishment, unable to read one more ‘think piece’ written by some “woke millennial.” 

If guns were legal in Oz, would I do a ‘Hunter Thompson’ to end the ‘think piece’ pain?

I wonder and I wonder.

This week, a US radio station banned the classic Christmas song: Baby, It’s cold outside. In an online statement, the presenter said:

The world we live in is sensitive and people get easily offended. #MeToo has finally given women the voice they deserve, the song has no place.”

How ridiculous! The song is about seduction, It’s a beautiful song, covered by many famous stars over the last seventy years.

Shit, how about rap lyrics?

Rock anthems?

Pop songs?

Perhaps we should ban music altogether?

I mean how far does one go?

I was born to old parents. They died in my twenties. But the wonderful legacy they left me was an appreciation for old-school music.

No fembot, Leftie or millennial wowser is going to piss on that. Take it away, Dean!

Vanessa de Largie is a freelance journalist and sex columnist who divides her time between London and Melbourne.

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