‘Don’t look so surprised… everything in the world is controlled through hedge funds these days.’

God

3 May 2014 9:00 am

Hs2

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘Mum, Dad, I’m a cat.’

Cat

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘Cristal champagne or crystal meth, ma’am?’

Cristal

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘Ah, you’ve noticed the subsidence.’

Subsidence

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘You’re always in here creating a problem. Just get out.’

Problems

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘I know you’re my husband but this is the only way I can get you to give me a bit of attention.’

Attention

3 May 2014 9:00 am

Dating

3 May 2014 9:00 am

Jam

3 May 2014 9:00 am

Tap

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘Raping and pillaging? No, apparently they’re here to offer an affordable childcare service.’

Pillaging

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘I’m getting very worried about our property bubble.’

Fish

3 May 2014 9:00 am

Texts

3 May 2014 9:00 am

‘Nothing prepares you for the lack of sleep.’

Baby

26 April 2014 9:00 am

Emergency

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Don’t go on at the boy — kids have always fought.’

Boy

26 April 2014 9:00 am

Dog

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘In some ways, he regrets buying that pint of milk.’

Survey

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Want to see what the class is saying about you online, sir?’

Apple

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘Can I call you back? I’m in a bard place.’

Bard

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘If only we’d invested in crystal meth.’

Meth

26 April 2014 9:00 am

Shopping

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘We’re modernising the postal service.’

Post

26 April 2014 9:00 am

Sheepdog

26 April 2014 9:00 am

‘But we’ve not ordered a bouncy castle.’

Bouncy

26 April 2014 9:00 am