Life
My mother has become a hostile stranger
‘Do you know who I am?’ said the voice belonging to the lady who used to be my mother, crossly,…
My wild house parties with Rose Wylie
Dante’s Beach, Ravenna I rang up my old best friend, Luke-John, for a chat a few days ago and to…
Keir Starmer’s selective ageism
If the newspaper reports are correct and Margaret Hodge is about to be named as the next chair of Ofcom,…
Aussie life
In an exciting breakthrough in academic hygiene, the University of Adelaide is to install ‘squat toilets’ in new buildings. This…
Language
I have finally snapped! I have become so annoyed by lying halfwits misusing the word ‘genocide’ that I am going…
There’s no beating the comfort of cabinet pudding
The British hold a steamed pudding close to their hearts. Like a culinary hot-water bottle, it may not be terribly…
The real problem with Welsh rugby
Wales rugby coach Steve Tandy must have the most difficult job in sport, apart maybe from Jim Ratcliffe’s public–relations whizz.…
The future of racing is in the Middle East
You can always judge a country by the reception you get at passport control. America is aggressive. Don’t even think…
Why is Hope Not Hate out to get me?
Hope Not Hate is up to its usual tricks in the Denton and Gorton by-election, keeping Britain safe from fascists.…
Spectator Competition: Wintry look
Competition 3437 invited you to submit a passage or poem incorporating the line ‘Why, what’s the matter, That you have…
Dear Mary: How can I stop my friend from ruining books I love?
Q. Our daughter is very keen on a young man from her office whom she has brought home to stay…
Like dining with Elrond in Rivendell: Corenucopia reviewed
Corenucopia by Clare Smyth is in Belgravia, amid a line of interior-design shops, and it is prettier than all of…
The day Peter Mandelson tried to get me sacked
Assuming it was full of junk, I tried to pull the trunk out of the way but I couldn’t move…
Should I be a Jew, Muslim or Hindu?
Time is running out. We all have to meet our maker at some point, and although I’m fit as a…
Aussie life
In Queensland, Victoria or New South Wales the cancellation of a writers’ festival would be an inconvenience. ‘Bummer,’ some people…
Language
Sometimes words are invented just because people wish there were such words – and (I suppose) wish that what they…
The secret to a good marriage is drink
Many years ago, when entertaining my then girlfriend (now wife) for our first Valentine’s Day, I spent a considerable amount…
The hellish side of Bumble
Valentine’s Day is upon us. I’ve never liked it. As an ugly ginger kid with a beautiful – much older…
Smashing South Africa’s last relationship taboo
Cape Town As a young FT stringer in Dar es Salaam in the 1980s, I used to hang out with…
