Notes on…
Would you spend £30 on a Charlie Bigham’s ready meal?
Ready meals: the after-work time-saver, the dinner-party cheat – or a poor imitation of proper, cooked food? The proto-ready meal…
Confessions of a skip-diver
Call me disgusting, but I like rubbish, and I like it best from a skip. I am also in good…
My personalised number plate is worth more than my car
A poll has confirmed what most people know already – personalised number plates are vulgar, divisive and a complete waste…
Let them eat swan
How to react to Nigel Farage’s suggestion that immigrants are killing and eating swans? You can react like LBC’s Iain…
What will love and literature become in the age of the Ring doorbell?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Well, according to the app it was the Evri man at 10.27, the Yodel man at…
The joy of guided walks
‘You should be pointing at things with an umbrella for a living,’ said my brother. He’d come to visit me…
Save our sausages!
Who first thought of grinding up all those little unused odds and sods from an animal carcass and stuffing them…
The discombobulating delight of made-up languages
I wasn’t supposed to understand Potato language. It was my parents’ speech device employed when wishing to discuss certain apparently…
Wanted: a flatmate for the Pope
Pope Leo XIV has announced, though not in the form of a bull, that he will be sharing the Apostolic…
The Liberal MP who put the ‘bank’ in bank holiday
Why are you enjoying a bank holiday this month, as opposed to a ‘general’ or ‘national’ holiday? It’s because the…
Down with exclamation marks!
Punctuation is a gendered thing. I’ve been trying to stop myself overusing exclamation marks and it’s been difficult. Exclamation marks…
I’m learning to swim – at 37
It’s humiliating to admit that at 37, I can’t swim. I’ve spent most of my life embarrassed about not having…
The power of wax seals has never waned
In our electronic age it hardly comes as a surprise that Pat MacFadden’s Cabinet Office intends to do away with…
The secrets of the Palm House at Kew
The news that the Palm House at the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, will begin a £60 million, five-year renovation in…
The wit and beauty of bank notes
William Shakespeare was the first to feature, in 1970. Alan Turing was most recent, in 2021. But the Bank of…
I’ve got Donald Trump to thank for my unusual middle name
Never make a drunken bet. At about 3 a.m. one fateful morning, pre-pandemic and several bottles down, a friend and…
How postcards made Britain
Worse for drink, and lonely in his Hollywood apartment, F. Scott Fitzgerald sat down to write a postcard. He began,…
The hidden value of notes
‘You asshole,’ was my friend’s cheery greeting when we met in Ludlow. I’d mucked up the time. Reconciled, we walked…
Heaven is Angel Delight
I once heard an American complain that, being married to an Englishwoman, he was regularly baffled by the contents of…
A love letter to lonely hearts ads
Published in Britain for at least 330 years, lonely hearts ads are now a rare sight – driven to the…
The disposable vape ban has changed nothing
I felt a mixture of annoyance and relief when I bought my first non-disposable Elf Bar last weekend, ahead of…
How to survive a Chinese banquet
When heading to China on a business trip, I was somewhat bemused to be warned about the banquets I would…
Typos are an unintentional delight
Afriend of mine was once delighted to get a job at the Radio Times, where he ‘corrected’ a golfing picture…
Should gentlemen wear pearls?
There are few phrases more terrifying than ‘men’s fashion’. It reminds me of yuppies in salmon-coloured jorts on their way…
The conservatism of Thomas the Tank Engine
Ringo Starr is mostly known as the second or third best drummer in the Beatles. But for me – as…
