Flat White

Andrew Bolt drives the Mad F–king Witches madder still

4 December 2020

2:37 PM

4 December 2020

2:37 PM

Only a small handful of people can trigger the Mad F***ing Witches. Rupert Murdoch, is up there, obviously. Ditto most ‘conservative white males’, which at some point over the last few years has become a socially acceptable category to file human beings in.

Who else sets the mad broomsticks alight with blazing fury? Andrew Bolt, of course. 

These witch shaped clowns appear to believe that there are only a few people who hold the same values and opinions as Bolt; despite many men and women successfully proving he’s the majority when it comes to election time.  

But, here we are.  

This week, Bolt announced he’s leaving Melbourne. 

Who could blame him?

In a thoughtful Herald Sun column (those three words together will surely trigger the witches too), Bolt wrote, “Melbourne, I loved you once but it’s all over between us. So the house is sold, the boxes packed, and I’m heading bush, without a single tear.  


“Blame maybe the coronavirus for the cold goodbye. I’m not alone in fleeing Melbourne after months of this virus lockdown. That didn’t just leave me feeling claustrophobic and wanting out before this crazy government’s next stunt…” 

No sooner was his column published when reports were confirmed of witches going mad. Really, really mad.  

“Of all the c**ts who ever f***ing c**ted (NO SPELLCHECK WE DID NOT MEAN TO SAY COUNTED), Andrew Bolt would have to be the biggest,” the witches screeched. “Well, okay, Rupert is obviously the biggest but as Bolt works for him and they’re in lockstep on every f***ing topic from racism to anti-COVID to anti-anthropogenic heating to every other f***ing way they can use their pale male stale #StatusBRO f**kery to f**k stuff up for the rest of us.” 

It continued.

There were caps. Sorry, CAPS. LOTS OF CAPS.

It was red-hot gust of fury – and, as always, nothing but hot air.  

We even heard the term “sh*tf**king w*nkpuffin” for the very first time.  

And they described Bolt as “a f**king boil on the backside of humanity”.

Merry Christmas to you too.  

Apparently social media platforms in 2020 believe that the President of the United States’ tweets should be censored, but not the f-bombs, c-bombs, and hideous, inhumane insults left-wing activists choose to throw in their foul political warfare.  

Apparently, barely coherent abuse now counts as rational public discourse.  

While Barack Obama is attempting to explain why “Defund the police” may not be the correct slogan to deliver results, perhaps he could stage an intervention with our witch clowns too?

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