Flat White

How woke is your tote?

12 November 2019

7:23 PM

12 November 2019

7:23 PM

As F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me.” For starters, they can afford $50 tote bags to show that they’re cleverer than us.

Yes, not being content with running Australia’s only innaleck’chau writing prize sponsored by a cosmetics company — sorry, a woke cosmetics company — left-wing property developer and millionaire yet taxpayer subsidised publisher Morry Schwartz of Quarterly Essay, Monthly and Saturday Paper tedium — sorry again, fame — has unleashed such a product on the world (or the better-heeled inner-city areas of Sydney and Melbourne, anyway).

Look what joys await you. There’s The Monthly tote, in “I’m purer (ie better) than you white”:

Or The Saturday Paper tote, in “Black armband”:

Not only do they perfectly match sandalista footwear but, as the ads also show, they go well with excitingly funky Japanese-style smock dresses, as can be seen at the Comme des Garçons exhibition currently showing at the National Gallery of Victoria. So what are you waiting for? Is the cost putting you off?

Ah well. Us plebs can make do with $2.00 jobs from Coles.

Not only are they brighter. Unlike Morry’s, part of the proceeds go to charity.

Illustrations: Black Inc/Coles.

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