Competition

Political clerihew

24 June 2017

9:00 AM

24 June 2017

9:00 AM

In Competition No. 3003 you were invited to supply clerihews about contemporary politicians. In an enormous and excellent entry, popular rhymes included ‘charmer’ and ‘Starmer’; ‘Boris’ and ‘Horace’; ‘Sturgeon’ and ‘burgeon’; ‘Corbyn’ and ‘absorbing’. Putin likes to ‘put the boot in’, apparently, and that David Davis is, by common consent, a ‘rara avis’.
 
There was much to admire and it was tricky to sift the best from the merely good. Those that made the cut are printed below and earn their authors £8 each. Commiserations to the rest.
 

Alex Salmond
Has been grilled, gutted and gammoned
And got porridge poured over his wee bit of glory
By a big evil Tory.
Frank McDonald
 
Ed Balls
Rises and falls:
They say he’s a Blairite
Fred Astaire-ite
David Silverman
 
Angela Merkel
Is one of the (small) magic circle
Whose country rates ’em
As statesmen.
D.A. Prince
 
Ian Paisley
Ranted crazily.
But is Ian Paisley junior
Loonier?
Nicholas Stone
 
Theresa May
No longer holds sway —
For seeing off Corbyn and his iffy cult
Proved too BLOODY DIFFICULT.
Iain Morley
 
Justin Trudeau
Looks like a great North American leader, although,
To be fair, the guy next door
Has made that easier than it was before.
Chris O’Carroll
 
To where has Diane Abbot Got?
‘No idea,’ said Theresa,
Glancing at her freezer.
Brian Murdoch
 
Lady Nugee
Is far richer than me,
But to seem ordinary,
She goes by Thornberry.
John Oxley
 
Ben Gummer
Couldn’t be glummer.
It’s not much fun
Being John Selwyn’s son.~
Alex Galloway
 
Yvette Cooper
Made not a single blooper,
In the election campaign, reckoning it wiser to be invisible
Than risible.
Adrian Fry
 
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Is a Thunderer sprog:
But his manner is less irate
And he lives in 1798.
Bill Greenwell
 
Mike Pence
Is considered in the future tense
Should Trump
Go bump.
Frank Upton
 
Donald Trump
Resembles a lump
Of misshapen fat
Topped by an overweight bottle-blond rat.
Basil Ransome-Davies
 
Angela Merkel
Squares a circle by producing a squircle:
As her party trick
It seems to click.
W.J. Webster
 
Angela Merkel’s
Inner circle
Would never choose
Theresa’s shoes.
Tim Raikes
 
‘Should I dye my hair auburn?’
Asks Jeremy Corbyn,
‘Or should it be red
Instead?’
Carolyn Beckingham
 
Nicola Sturgeon
Is a would-be political surgeon
Who’d gladly effect a wee
Rest-of-the-UK-ectomy.
Rob Stuart
 
Mike Pence
Waits in suspense,
Hoping that they’ll dump
Trump.
Nick Hodgson
 
Emmanuel Macron
Wears suits made of dacron.
OK, I made that up, but President Macron’s chief crime
Is that he doesn’t rhyme.
Brian Allgar
 
Nicola Sturgeon
Thinks that Scotland needs purgin’,
She can’t wait to see the backs
Of the Sassenachs.
Sylvia Fairley

 

No. 3006: laughing matter

You are invited to submit a sonnet that takes as its opening line Keats’s ‘Why did I laugh tonight? No voice will tell:’. Please email entries, wherever possible, to lucy@spectator.co.uk by midday on 5 July.

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