Yeah, facts are so hateful and ugly. Best to avoid them, fam.
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‘Oh no! We’ve woken up too early and haven’t missed Brexit!’
‘At least Chris Grayling isn’t in charge of the ferry.’
‘Before you say it, no — you can’t hand in a marriage licence.’
‘Brexit? I’m stockpiling for a new statue of Thatcher.’
‘Least said, texted, tweeted, retweeted, Instagrammed, posted, uploaded, shared, blogged, vlogged and Snapchatted, soonest mended.’
‘I got a tattoo.’
‘Haven’t we been punished enough?’
‘A bit late for that — they’ve
already appointed Nick Clegg.’
‘On a clear day you can see five
county lines drugs rackets.’