Etiquette
Dear Mary: How should I refer to my new love?
Q. As an avid reader of your column, I was hoping you might be able to help. I sadly lost…
The fraught world of dinner party presents
‘Oh, why do the middle classes feel they must bring a present?’ Those words were spoken by Lady Charteris when…
Dear Mary: where should I park my car at my boyfriend’s parents’ house?
Q. My boyfriend’s family live in a very pretty Georgian house in the country. The family park their cars at…
Want to get on in society? Read an etiquette guide
A few weeks ago, an Irish Times columnist, Fintan O’Toole, wrote about receiving a copy of a 1930s book of…
Dear Mary: how can I tell my neighbour his garden is a fire hazard?
Q. We have a granddaughter, aged 21, living in our basement. We see a lot of her and her boyfriend.…
Dear Mary: did fat jabs ruin my party?
Q. I have inherited a small estate which includes a few houses in my village. I was initially very pleased…
Dear Mary: how can I tell my fellow bridesmaid that her speech is waffling?
Q. A few years ago friends from New Zealand came to stay with us for what they said would be…
Dear Mary: Help! I have four girlfriends
Q. I am 26 and my problem is that I have four girlfriends. None of them knows about the other…
Letters: The British Empire was a force for good
Unjust William Sir: It is a bad idea for schools to be recommending their pupils listen to William Dalrymple’s podcast…
Dear Mary: can I accuse a writer of using AI?
Q. I work at a magazine and am occasionally (and perhaps with increasing frequency) sent articles that strike me as…
Dear Mary: What should I do if the view’s no good with my free tickets to Wimbledon?
Q. Around this time of year a friend, who somehow gets hold of tickets through an agency, usually asks me…
Why do men think it’s acceptable to wear a hat in church?
There’s often a traffic jam in front of the Battle of Britain window in Westminster Abbey and I recently found…
Dear Mary: how can I wangle a private jet invitation?
Q. Mary, can you rule on an aspect of private jet etiquette? I have been invited to a house party…
Dear Mary: how do I stop friends buying me pet-themed presents?
Q. I have been working in a large restaurant alongside a very attractive, although shy, girl. I live near the…
Dear Mary: how can I get rid of my friends’ wives from our WhatsApp group?
Q. When I left university I set up a WhatsApp group with several male friends to cover our interest in…
Dear Mary: how can I shut up a noisy fellow diner?
Q. I was lunching at a writers’ club in Lexington Street. It is a small but agreeable space. At one…
Dear Mary: How can I stop my husband from interrupting?
Q. My husband worked in an office for 25 years and now works from home. As well as the interaction…
Dear Mary: should guests offer to reimburse me for charging their electric car at my house?
Q. I’m an artist and work from home painting people’s pets from photographs. While working I take a lot of…
Dear Mary: how can I interrupt a gossipy friend who won’t shut up?
Q. I went to a party last weekend and my father asked me to go and introduce myself if I…
Dear Mary: how can I tell a friend she has Mounjaro face?
Q. Like many women of a certain age, I’m ‘on the pen’. I’ve lost about 20lb on Mounjaro, which I…
Dear Mary: how can I stop rich friends splitting the bill?
Q. I have the sort of job that means I am regularly recruiting new young talent. Now when I go…
Dear Mary: Is my dentist profiting from my gold filling?
Q. I went to stay in the new house of a close, but not very close, friend. She put me…
Dear Mary: how can I get my snobby mother to accept a live-in carer?
Q. I have a meeting scheduled with a possible business associate who asked me to buy a certain book on…
Dear Mary: how do I seat lesbians at a dinner party?
Q. We have recently moved out of London and have met charming, married lesbians who are living locally. They are…
Dear Mary: do I have to give my cleaner a payrise?
Q. A new neighbour (a weekender from London) asked me if I’d be prepared to pass on the contact details…
