Etiquette
Dear Mary: How do I ditch my slow-walking friend?
Q. I recently attended an opera on a friend’s estate in Kent. It was a multi-generational, non-ticketed, invitation-only event. The…
Dear Mary: How do I stop my friends going on about their ‘neurodivergence’?
Q. Everyone I know pretends to have neurodivergence to make themselves seem more unusual and so they can talk about…
Dear Mary: how can I point out a friend’s unsightly nose hair?
Q. I’m the author of 14 books, mostly historical fiction but a few children’s books, all published by a major…
Dear Mary: How do you leave a party early?
Q. How can you leave a party early – e.g. at midnight rather than 4 a.m. – without everyone thinking…
Is it ever acceptable to ask to swim in a friend’s pool?
I’ve always loved English swimming pools. I can’t help it – I am a pool-fancier. The lumpy feel of the…
Dear Mary: How do you decipher modern RSVPs?
Q. I was caught off guard last week by a busybody mother at my son’s boarding school asking us to…
Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of responding to save-the-dates?
Q. I have a problem with a much older friend who is slightly insecure and super-sensitive to criticism and I…
Hell is having house guests
Since we moved into our house in the Cyclades a few years ago, I’ve come to accept that if you…
Dear Mary: how can I tell young people to pipe down at dinner parties?
Q. I find that when I go to mixed-age dinner parties the young all seem to be shouting. How can…
Dear Mary: Must I take my mother-in-law’s hideous cast-offs?
Q. My soon-to-be mother-in-law has started off-loading large amounts of her expensive but hideous cast-off clothes on to me. I…
Dear Mary: Is it acceptable to go to bed before my guests do?
Q. I am a self-employed travel specialist, concentrating on holidays in Asia. Friends (and even friends of friends) plague me…
Dear Mary: Should weddings be ‘no ring, no bring’?
Q. An old friend who is extremely generous and loyal has the most infuriating habit. Despite being efficient in other…
Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of unfollowing someone on Instagram?
Q. When hosting a dinner party, should one circulate the biographies/Wikipedia entries of your guests beforehand so that everyone arrives…
Dear Mary: How do I stop Ozempic ruining my dinner parties?
Q. I enjoy giving dinner parties and put a lot of effort into the preparations. However, recently I have noticed…
Dear Mary: How do I stop my husband eavesdropping on my phone calls?
Q. I’m quite a good friend of a member of our royal family – going back to our shared school…
Dear Mary: How can I check if my host received my thank-you letter?
Q. Annoyingly, one of the Sunday newspapers ran an article about the ‘least used but most scenic footpaths’ in the…
Stop scoffing food on trains!
I’m on the 10.45 slow train to Ipswich. It’s not even lunchtime, yet everyone around me is already gorging on…
Dear Mary: How do I stop my husband falling asleep at the theatre?
Q. At the age of 50 my brother-in-law has discovered a talent for acting and singing. He has joined a…
Dear Mary: How do I tell my friend that hot food needs hot plates?
Q. A divorced male friend, renting in Notting Hill, has had no historic experience of cooking but has discovered Lidgate…
Dear Mary: How do I get my friend’s wife to keep her distance?
Q. Every year my husband takes two weeks’ prime salmon fishing on a Scottish river. It’s a really nice holiday…
Dear Mary: How do I get my cleaner to quit?
Q. How can we get our new unsatisfactory house cleaner to resign? There is a huge demand for cleaners in…
Dear Mary: Should I admit to being a Donald Trump supporter?
Q. This may sound ridiculous but I have an issue with the Big Issue seller near me. I am in…
Dear Mary: How do I ensure that splitting the bill is fair?
Q. A Belgian couple (a baron and baroness, no less) are regular visitors to the Highlands and I have come…
