Etiquette

Dear Mary: How do I ditch my slow-walking friend?

21 June 2025 9:00 am

Q. I recently attended an opera on a friend’s estate in Kent. It was a multi-generational, non-ticketed, invitation-only event. The…

Dear Mary: How do I stop my friends going on about their ‘neurodivergence’?

14 June 2025 9:00 am

Q. Everyone I know pretends to have neurodivergence to make themselves seem more unusual and so they can talk about…

Dear Mary: how can I point out a friend’s unsightly nose hair?

7 June 2025 9:00 am

Q. I’m the author of 14 books, mostly historical fiction but a few children’s books, all published by a major…

Dear Mary: How do you leave a party early?

31 May 2025 9:00 am

Q. How can you leave a party early – e.g. at midnight rather than 4 a.m. – without everyone thinking…

Is it ever acceptable to ask to swim in a friend’s pool?

31 May 2025 9:00 am

I’ve always loved English swimming pools. I can’t help it – I am a pool-fancier. The lumpy feel of the…

Dear Mary: How do you decipher modern RSVPs?

24 May 2025 9:00 am

Q. I was caught off guard last week by a busybody mother at my son’s boarding school asking us to…

Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of responding to save-the-dates?

10 May 2025 9:00 am

Q. I have a problem with a much older friend who is slightly insecure and super-sensitive to criticism and I…

Hell is having house guests

10 May 2025 9:00 am

Since we moved into our house in the Cyclades a few years ago, I’ve come to accept that if you…

Dear Mary: how can I tell young people to pipe down at dinner parties?

3 May 2025 9:00 am

Q. I find that when I go to mixed-age dinner parties the young all seem to be shouting. How can…

Dear Mary: Must I take my mother-in-law’s hideous cast-offs?

26 April 2025 9:00 am

Q. My soon-to-be mother-in-law has started off-loading large amounts of her expensive but hideous cast-off clothes on to me. I…

Dear Mary: Is it acceptable to go to bed before my guests do?

19 April 2025 9:00 am

Q. I am a self-employed travel specialist, concentrating on holidays in Asia. Friends (and even friends of friends) plague me…

Dear Mary: Should weddings be ‘no ring, no bring’?

12 April 2025 9:00 am

Q. An old friend who is extremely generous and loyal has the most infuriating habit. Despite being efficient in other…

Dear Mary: What is the etiquette of unfollowing someone on Instagram?

5 April 2025 9:00 am

Q. When hosting a dinner party, should one circulate the biographies/Wikipedia entries of your guests beforehand so that everyone arrives…

Dear Mary: How do I stop Ozempic ruining my dinner parties?

29 March 2025 9:00 am

Q. I enjoy giving dinner parties and put a lot of effort into the preparations. However, recently I have noticed…

Dear Mary: How do I stop my husband eavesdropping on my phone calls?

22 March 2025 9:00 am

Q. I’m quite a good friend of a member of our royal family – going back to our shared school…

Dear Mary: How can I check if my host received my thank-you letter?

15 March 2025 9:00 am

Q. Annoyingly, one of the Sunday newspapers ran an article about the ‘least used but most scenic footpaths’ in the…

Stop scoffing food on trains!

8 March 2025 9:00 am

I’m on the 10.45 slow train to Ipswich. It’s not even lunchtime, yet everyone around me is already gorging on…

Dear Mary: How do I stop my husband falling asleep at the theatre?

8 March 2025 9:00 am

Q. At the age of 50 my brother-in-law has discovered a talent for acting and singing. He has joined a…

Dear Mary: How do I tell my friend that hot food needs hot plates?

1 March 2025 9:00 am

Q. A divorced male friend, renting in Notting Hill, has had no historic experience of cooking but has discovered Lidgate…

Dear Mary: How do I get my friend’s wife to keep her distance?

22 February 2025 9:00 am

Q. Every year my husband takes two weeks’ prime salmon fishing on a Scottish river. It’s a really nice holiday…

Dear Mary: How do I get my cleaner to quit?

15 February 2025 9:00 am

Q. How can we get our new unsatisfactory house cleaner to resign? There is a huge demand for cleaners in…

Dear Mary: Should I admit to being a Donald Trump supporter?

8 February 2025 9:00 am

Q. This may sound ridiculous but I have an issue with the Big Issue seller near me. I am in…

Dear Mary: How do I ensure that splitting the bill is fair?

18 January 2025 9:00 am

Q. A Belgian couple (a baron and baroness, no less) are regular visitors to the Highlands and I have come…