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Dear Mary

Dear Mary: how can I unmask anonymous marathon sponsors?

6 April 2024

9:00 AM

6 April 2024

9:00 AM

Q. My son-in-law is running the Paris marathon to raise money for cystic fibrosis research and has sent out a mail shot to friends and family asking to be sponsored via justgiving.com.

He has had a fabulous response. Some people have posted supportive messages alongside their names but have chosen to conceal the amount of money they are donating. Yet two supporters, who have been spectacularly generous, have anonymised their names –although not the giant sums of money that they have pledged. My son-in-law would like to know who these people are – what do you suggest he do?

– A.E., Pewsey

A. For practical reasons certain people make a deliberate choice to remain anonymous when giving money. Think it through. Although the recipient will be unable to thank them and they will get no brownie points, these are by no means pyrrhic payments. Virtue is its own reward, as is anonymity.


Q. I am of the opinion that it is naff to make visitors take off their shoes indoors. Those of us whose feet have walked in ancient times upon England’s mountains green, would rather not display the damage thus incurred, especially on flag-stoned floors, which are both hard and chilly. What has gone wrong with the younger generation? Do you think it is because so many of them have spent their gap years in countries where it is de rigueur to remove shoes before entering a building?

– J.P. Cheltenham

A. This generational custom has arisen partly because so many of the young had Norwegian or Swedish nannies or au pairs who took their shoes off at the door. It’s not intended to humiliate – although understandably guests who suddenly find themselves a good few inches shorter than they were with shoes on, will experience lower morale. Hosts should keep a stock of disposable shoe covers (£6.99 for 100) as worn by medics and offer these at the door.

Q. Do you have any suggestions for an imaginative present for a newborn baby? I feel uncomfortable about imposing my own ‘taste’ on the parents, especially when it comes to choosing a cuddly toy. They will already have all the equipment they need and the baby will grow out of any clothes one buys within a few weeks, sometimes without even having had the chance to wear the things.

– M.W., London W8

A. Buy the baby a premium bond. You can do this online. This present has an extra dimension as there is the chance that it will deliver more than its monetary worth many times over the years.

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