‘O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?’

Romeo

9 November 2013 9:00 am

Little Botox Peep and her ageing sheep

Bopeep

9 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Don’t even think about going to school in that skirt — you know you’re only allowed to wear it when you go down the pub.’

School

9 November 2013 9:00 am

Bath

9 November 2013 9:00 am

Setsquare

9 November 2013 9:00 am

‘They’re much funnier on the internet’

Cats

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘My wife and I are having trouble conceiving.’

Panda

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Could you turn the fireworks up? We can still hear The X Factor.’

Fireworks

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘What’s the problem? We told you when you started that you’d have to make some sacrifices.’

Sacrifices

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Snoopy

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘How did your meeting with the lobbyists go?’

Lobbyists

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘I’m all for HS2 if it gets Morrissey sent back to Manchester quicker.’

Morrissey

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Listening

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still end up on Twitter?’

Guru

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘I wasn’t staring at you — I was staring through you!’

Staring

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Fawkes

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Quick, turn it over. I only have to look at Jamie Oliver and I pile on the pounds.’

Oliver

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Before you take me away I just want to update my profile picture.’

Death

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘I’m coming out — I want the world to know...’

Teeth

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Drama

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘I thought you said lions didn’t climb trees.’

Lions

2 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Eye of newt, wing of bat, hair of dog’

Witches

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Pestcontrol

2 November 2013 9:00 am

Baking

26 October 2013 9:00 am

‘Congratulations, sir, you fit the criteria to qualify for our newest tariff.’

Energy

26 October 2013 9:00 am