Jim Chalmers’ kinder economy has turned a corner and crashed straight into a tree. Inflation expectations are spiking to 5.2 per cent in March. The highest in nearly three years. As it turns out, Chalmers not only did his thesis on Paul Keating, but he is Paul Keating.

The problem for Chalmers isn’t that he hit a tree … it’s that it was actually Chris Bowen’s woody nose, elongated by all the little climate fibs and Net Zero platitudes that got a bit creative with the truth. Who knew the Minister for Energy [Crises] was actually Pinocchio’s Aussie cousin? Bowen has left Chalmers T-boned and contemplating dragging our wrecked economy through a 30-point turn to get out.

Those public speaking heel lifts won’t conceal Bowen’s missteps anymore. If he keeps telling porkies about Net Zero salvation in the middle of a fuel crisis, he’ll become a forest. (Carbon sink?) Poor Geppetto might even side-eye him for firewood now that our Woke councils are well on their way to banning gas.

Meanwhile, I’ve been driving 500 km a day in a heavy vehicle, delivering bread to the Riverina area. This morning, 150 litres of diesel cost $380. Diesel’s shot up 90 cents in the last week. Because of the war? I don’t think so. It’s because generations of politicians decided we didn’t need those pesky fuel reserves or refineries.

Who needs diesel when you’ve got electric dreams?

Tanya Plibersek backed the government up, chirping about electric trucks keeping Australia moving. Tell that to truckies on the Hume Highway, whose rigs have ground to a halt like they’ve hit a wall of socialist intentions. Labor’s out of touch? Maybe breathing too many feel-good fumes.

‘No Plan’ Bowen scattered a few breadcrumbs which have circled him back to the reality that he has no choice when it comes to the fuel crisis. Yesterday, he didn’t unveil a fleet of CyberTrucks, he authorised the use of ‘dirty fuel’, downgrading sulphur standards for 60 days to pump extra petrol and diesel into the market.

Kind of awkward, because the sign on my truck warns me: ‘DO NOT USE HIGH SULPHUR FUEL!!!’

Allegedly, there is an editor discussion raging on Wikipedia about whether or not to add pictures of Bowen’s mug next to ‘sanctimonious’, ‘mythomania’, and ‘supercilious’. The problem is, you’re not allowed to use the same photo for all three. In the real world, the management of fuel by this government stinks of higher prices, regional shortages, and panic buying at the bowser.

But you have to remember, this our fault. Somehow, taxpayers have created the problem.

That said, Labor politicians might want to avoid regional pubs for a while if they don’t want their expensive suits snitched and used as a dartboard by truckies, farmers, and the odd stranded tourist doing it tough. There’s not a lot of love out there in the regions who feel like they were immediately sacrificed for the sake of city voters.

National price averages hit 198 cents for petrol and nearly as much for diesel last week. (If you know where I can buy diesel for 198 cents after paying 261 cents today, I’m all ears. Maybe generation TikTok can bootstrap us a price app…)

Analysts are warning we could see $3 a litre unless Iran capitulates soon.

Bowen’s ‘practical action’ also involves releasing about 20 per cent of onshore reserves – hundreds of millions of litres – to ease the squeeze, but it’s like mopping the floor during a flood. Panic buying’s emptied regional servos, freight costs are soaring, and supermarkets are bracing for price hikes that’ll hit your trolley in April. The freight industry’s already passing it on – higher bills for bread, milk, everything.

The government has warned the industry not to price gouge, but it was more ‘gentle parenting’.

Albo, Chalmers, and Bowen think they’re in control while people keep banging on about a ‘reset’. It’s not a reset. It’s a collapse. This is what happens when the weakest of weak people are allowed to let their raging incompetence run at public expense.

Speaking of bizarre levels of incompetence.

Those poor Iranian women’s soccer players weren’t ISIS brides, so they struggled to get a look-in at a rescue plan until Trump told the Australian government to do better. Suddenly, Tony Burke was flipping asylum visas faster than a dodgy SP bookie changing odds. Hey Albo: ‘The US will take them if you won’t.’ There was no way Labor was going to be out-humanitarianed by Trump.

Albo’s government is now ‘considering’ Australia’s entry to the broader Iran chaos. We’ve deployed Wedgetail surveillance planes and missiles to the Gulf, backing US-Israeli strikes to stop Iran’s nukes, but ruling out direct offence.

One can almost imagine ‘Airbus Albo’ reclined on the leather, fancy red wine in hand, and little Toto on his lap. Our commander in chief…

Meanwhile, war has been a PR gift for the Greens. Barely stopping to check their pronouns, they delivered sermon after sermon, including this gem forever buried in our political history:

‘The only reason we’re sending troops there is Washington has told us to – to free up US military assets to continue the US and Israel’s illegal war against Iran. The doublespeak and hypocrisy that are coming from this government are obscene. I’m proud to be in the Greens, the only party standing up against the war parties in this chamber,’ said Shoebridge.

He added on X: ‘Labor just committed nearly 100 Australian personnel to the Gulf today, dragging us into Trump and Netanyahu’s illegal war on Iran. Labor, the Liberals and One Nation will do anything to appease Donald Trump.’

Senator Matt Canavan, fresh off becoming Nationals leader, started his own ill-advised war against Pauline Hanson.

Barnaby Joyce was Canavan’s mentor and his presence in One Nation is reflective of the many Nationals supporters who are now fans of One Nation and the reality check they’ve given Canberra. The Coalition have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for years. They’ve found their spine now only after their cushie jobs were put on the line. It is a miscalculation of Canavan to pick fault with One Nation instead of sorting out their own failures.

I still have no idea what ‘Dark Nats’ means, but after competing in the Pollies versus Press clay target shoot last week, I’m biased. I wanted Bridget McKenzie to get up. She would have been a better leader.

In other news, the Royal Commission into Antisemitism and Social Cohesion suffered a setback when the highly-credentialed Dennis Richardson quit, calling himself ‘surplus to requirements’. Even the ABC admitted that his sudden departure will ‘reinforce questions about a royal commission that has a time frame squeezed into under a year, and very broad terms of reference, including looking at social cohesion, with a sole commissioner who, however eminent, necessarily has a limited range of expertise.’

The RBA’s watching consumer inflation expectations climb with bets on a May rate hike. Chalmers wants a short-term budget win via bracket creep, but good luck selling restraint when fuel’s torching productivity. The May budget’s being billed by everyone as the most important this century. They may be right, but I think it’s too late.

Penny Wong summed it up in the Senate while guillotining debate on the Building a Stronger and Fairer Super System bill. You know you are up Schitt’s Creek when Labor wants a ‘fairer’ super system.

Just kidding.

They also doubled the super tax rate on ‘the rich’.

If you want an example of how easy it is to follow Parliament along at home, here’s Senator Wong’s preamble:

‘Pursuant to the contingent notice of motion standing in my name, I move:

That so much of the standing orders be suspended as would prevent me moving a motion to provide for the consideration of a matter, namely a motion to allow a motion relating to the consideration of legislation to be moved and determined immediately.’

All clear?

What did you miss? Or rather, say tootles to your standard of living. Labor’s blown it to pieces for naught. We’d laugh if we weren’t paying $3 a litre to drive backwards.

Dr Michael de Percy @FlaneurPolitiq is the Spectator Australia’s Canberra Press Gallery Correspondent. If you would like to support his writing, or read more of Michael, please visit his website.