You’d be hard pressed to find a member of the public who thinks the Labour government is doing a sterling job. Up and down the country, voters are furious at the lack of progress on all manner of issues, from the cost of living to the NHS, transport and immigration. But that’s not for want of trying to sell themselves…

Taxpayers foot the bill for hundreds and hundreds of civil servants whose entire jobs are dedicated to spinning the government’s every move. Press officers clock on – frequently from the sofa – to Google the names of ministers and present them with a list of the media’s most recent coverage. They’ll also write up propaganda press releases gloating about Sir Keir Starmer’s latest genius idea, most often in time to clock off at 5 p.m., and not a minute later.

As the polling shows, the public clearly isn’t buying the Whitehall spin. So it is only fair to know how much of their hard-earned money is being spent on the civil service-wide failed attempt to paint the government as competent and brimming with good ideas. Well, Mr S can reveal that the Cabinet Office has no idea of that figure. Nor, shockingly, is it aware of how many civil servants in total are employed in press office or communications-adjacent roles. Paymaster General Nick Thomas-Symonds admitted: ‘The Cabinet Office currently lacks definitive data on the number of communicators embedded across government.’

Tory shadow minister Mike Wood, who has pushed the government to release details, told The Spectator:

It’s little wonder the Labour government’s communications are so bad when they don’t even know how many people are spinning for them.

That said, all the spin in the world couldn’t sell this mess to voters.