In Competition No. 3335 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem for Valentine’s Day whose acrostic contains an unValentine-ish sentiment. The prize winners, printed below, pocket £20 apiece.

Venus, darling, gorgeous snuggly-wuggly,

Apple of my ever-loving eye, 

Let me kiss you, squeeze you, honey-bunny, 

Ever-treasured sugar, sweetie-pie,

Nuzzle me, my gorgeous, hot stud muffin,

Tweety bird, mon cher, my cara mia,

I am your own lamby-wamby snookums,

Naughty, wicked whispers in my ear,

Endlessly, my ickle lovey-dovey,

Shower me with cuddle-bun excesses, 

Intimately cooing I’m your wuv-bug, 

Stroke me with your smoochy, fond caresses,

Call me your hot mama, foxy vixen,

Romeo, my sun, my star, my comet,

Angel, we’re the cutest pair in...