In Competition No. 3335 you were invited to submit an acrostic poem for Valentine’s Day whose acrostic contains an unValentine-ish sentiment. The prize winners, printed below, pocket £20 apiece.

Venus, darling, gorgeous snuggly-wuggly,

Apple of my ever-loving eye, 

Let me kiss you, squeeze you, honey-bunny, 

Ever-treasured sugar, sweetie-pie,

Nuzzle me, my gorgeous, hot stud muffin,

Tweety bird, mon cher, my cara mia,

I am your own lamby-wamby snookums,

Naughty, wicked whispers in my ear,

Endlessly, my ickle lovey-dovey,

Shower me with cuddle-bun excesses, 

Intimately cooing I’m your wuv-bug, 

Stroke me with your smoochy, fond caresses,

Call me your hot mama, foxy vixen,

Romeo, my sun, my star, my comet,

Angel, we’re the cutest pair in love-land,

Pumpkin, we will make the public vomit.

Janine Beacham

Yearningly, churningly,

Oceans of ardency

Urgently surge from a

Hole in my heart;

Aiming to prey on my

Vulnerability,

Eros has struck with his

Bow and his dart.

Amorous, glamorous,

Dearest of valentines,

Beautiful temptress and

Ravishing tart,

Even your aura is

Aphrodisiacal,

Though there is one thing that

Holds us apart.

Alex Steelsmith

I worship you. You are my idol.

Who else fills my nights and my days?

All this love you so subtly unbridle! –

No one else sets my passions ablaze.

Touch me again, my beloved,

And my skin spins – you are so erotic –

Darling! I stand here, uncovered!

I’m addicted, you are my narcotic!

Valentine’s Day is upon us:

Orgiastic, I cleave to your flesh!

Remember our vows, what we promised –

Come here, let us make them afresh.

Every day of our life’s so romantic!

Never leave me, my partner in bliss!

Oh my love, I am hot, corybantic,

Wild for your glorious kiss!

Bill Greenwell

Joined by my squeeze, among the frozen ferns,

Under the pallid winter sky that turns

Sooty at dusk when starlings murmurate:

This is my vision of an altered state

Where joy exceeds sublunar happiness

And every landscape feature seems to bless 

New-found emotions. On the skyline stand

The snow-bleached Lakeland summits. Close at hand

You notice limestone, pasture, scattered leaves,

Objectively banal, but love perceives

Under the clichéd sight a latency

Relating Nature to humanity.

Beloved lady, let me make it clear.

Only a one-day valentine? No fear.

Dear heart, as surely as Samsara’s wheel,

You are my muse, my angel, my ideal.

Basil Ransome-Davies

Give me hope that one day I might be

Entwin’d in thine embrace; by Cupid’s dart

Thus pierced, while toss’d upon a raging sea

Of passion, seeking harbour in thy heart.

Upon thy fragile beauty would I gaze,

Thy face alone could launch a thousand ships,

Oh, that I might find words enough to praise

Fair eyes, the promise of those lips.

My Valentine if thou wilt be, thou’lt find

Years may pass, love’s bonds shall yet endure;

Loving thee inhabits all my mind,

I’m sick with torment, yet I seek no cure

For on my heart thy name I shall engrave,

Eternity within thine arms I crave.

Sylvia Fairley

Perfect bliss it is to be

In love with you, such bonhomie!

Since love’s sweet song we sing each day

Sorrows rarely come our way.

Oh dearest, never lose your charms,

Find solace in another’s arms,

For if you did what would I do?

Yearn just for you my whole life through?

Of course you’re free to choose yourself

Undo me, leave me on the shelf,

So sad I’d be if you were gone

And I was left to soldier on.

Dear Valentine, let’s always be

Committed just to you and me

On we’ll go and, when we’re old,

We’ll wander still through fields of gold!

Alan Millard

Your eyes, like sparkling sapphire, amethyst

Or pools of deep blue, thrill me to the core!

Unnumbered pheromones I can’t resist,

Released from silken skin through every pore

Sing Siren songs that trap me with their call –

I know that you’re the only one for me,

So be my Valentine! I’m in your thrall!

There’s something in the way your hair flows free;

Each heav’nly breath you take, each move you make

Reminds me that I need you to be mine.

So be my Valentine, for Heaven’s sake!

How can I live without your love divine?

Oh, only you can make my life complete.

There’s no one on this planet can compete.

David Silverman

No. 3338: In the beginning

In a recent Spectator Diary Richard Dawkinsmentions an essay on evolution written in the style of Donald Trump. You are invitedto submit an essay on that topic (verse or prose) in the style of the writer of your choice. Please email entries of up to 16 lines 150 words by midday on 21 February.